the myspace &IM junk stops TODAY

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2006
the myspace &IM junk stops TODAY
5
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 9:10pm

I see others share the same concerns about Internet usage. It's unfortunate our children are getting pulled in by the Internet in such unconstructive ways. My 15 yr old is big on the my space thing and the IM stuff and I'm putting a stop to it - TODAY!

Today she lied to me about going on the pc. She did it while I was at work (she had been banned from it and I came home and checked the pc history log). I busted her and she still lied to me. Well, she blew it. She has lied about this for the LAST TIME.

She has treated the computer as a TOY and it is unacceptable. I will not allow her to use it anymore except for school work. That's it. No more. It's time I put my foot down and stop the lying and deceit in its tracks. Well, at least the puter usage in its tracks. I can't be certain her lying will stop but it will certainly send a strong message to her that she doesn't have the RIGHT to use the computer as a toy for F bombs but that it is a priviledge to be able to use it at all and she blew it.

Does anyone know if I (as her parent) can delete/remove her "myspace account"?

Avatar for jupiterfit
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Sat, 02-04-2006 - 7:39am
You can block the site. I don't know how but a while ago "daddio" had intructions. Maybe he can help you. Did your daughter post something bad? I didn't make a big thing about Yafro and Myspace, and my daughter did it for awhile and then grew bored with it. Just a thought.
Debbie
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Sat, 02-04-2006 - 7:40am

You cannot close her myspace unless you have her password. We closed our dd's myspace, xanga, im and e-mail accounts for pretty much the same reason. She went on during a "blackout" time (in her case we imposed a weekday computer blackout period after she lied about a math test and we found out our former honor student was getting a D in math). She had several internet violations over the past year and was warned after the last one that the consequences of a future rule violation would be severe. We knew all her passwords, but I sat down with her and made her close the accounts. She was quite upset at first, but she's over it now. Her grades dramatically improved, there is far less drama in her life and she is much calmer. She has not asked for her accounts to be restored. When/if she does, we will allow it.

You're right that internet use is a privilege and I understand that you want to send a clear message to your dd. I would suggest a few things before you act. First, be sure you are calm when you talk to her. The message and meaning will be lost if you are not.
Also, if this is a first offense, consider another type of punishment for the lying and issue her a warning. I think the reason our dd took this as well as she did was because she KNEW she'd been warned. If you just pull the rug out from under her with no warning, she might feel blindsided.

Anyway - good luck.

jt

Avatar for momtolizabeth
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Sat, 02-04-2006 - 7:46am

It is my understanding that one must be 16 to have a 'myspace' ...so perhaps if you contacted the myspace people they would delete it?
That wouldn't stop her from opening another one though. And it would definitely cause some resentment.

You are right to have a consequence for her disobeying, but I'm not sure that permanent removal of computer time is the right choice. If it was me, I would inform her that you are not happy with her choices, and need the password for her myspace. Then, I would change the password. Tell her that once you can trust her again - she gets the new password. Some teens put *alot* of hard work into their myspaces - almost like an art project. I'm not sure I could bring myself to totally delete something that had a lot of work in it.

In this day and age, computers are a very important part of a teen's life. Personally, I can't *imagine* what I would do without a computer (you're laughing at me, I know ;) )
Without a computer ... How does one get directions? Find the time of a movie? Get the news? On the phone, I can talk to one friend at a time. On-line, I can talk to a bunch, and still be doing other things (such as paying bills or researching for a project). At 15, your dd can't jump in her car and run to her friend's house - so she jumps on-line.

Computers are a part of life. Even for teens. Personally, (even though I *know* its work) I would continue to enforce positive and appropriate uses of the computer. Of course consequences are appropriate for mis-use... but now is the time to teach her to be responsible with the computer - that can't be done if she isn't allowed to use it.

that is jmho though...
best of luck making your decisions work for you :)
Becca

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Sat, 02-04-2006 - 10:58am

*******
In this day and age, computers are a very important part of a teen's life. Personally, I can't *imagine* what I would do without a computer (you're laughing at me, I know ;) )
******
Becca -

This is exactly the conversation that my DD14 and I had this morning (long walk is almost as good as long car ride for heart-to-heart talks). I feel like I *have* to teach her responsibility - the computer and internet will be an increasing part of her life (not a decreasing one). Thanks for saying this so eloquently!

Sue

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Sat, 02-04-2006 - 4:43pm

14 yo's can "legally" sign up for MySpace. I believe their accounts have a higher degree of privacy until they turn 16. If they find out that a minor has lied about their age MyS can cancel their acct. The whole thing is honor-based and young teens routinely say that they are 16, then go on to talk about the Jr Hi dance etc. There are too many members for MyS to be monitoring all of the sites so they only check the ones that get complaints. The parent could contact MyS to see if they will cancel the account, but that won't prevent the teen from setting up a different account from a some other computer.

*sigh* Parenting is definitely getting more complicated.