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| Tue, 08-14-2007 - 8:45am |
My nieces'(16) bf(16) and one of her friends(16) were killed in a car accident this week. I've never felt so useless. I can only offer a shoulder to cry on. I've taken food, etc. to their house a few times. I wish there was something I could do for her and my sister. Does anyone know if there are any books out there that I could get her? My sister is planning on getting her counseling. I can't believe he's gone - he was so young. Any advice and prayers would be appreciated. Thank you

I have no advise for you and I am sorry. I just couldn't not at least post and tell you how sorry I am for you, your sis and her dd.
Sincerely,
Julie
Just over a year ago my dd (almost 16 at the time) lost her best friend. He died in a plane crash along with his Dad, younger brother and younger sister. The book that samaples32 suggested was exactly the one I was going to suggest. I notice that even 15 months later my dd refers back to that book. Another thing she started doing (probably a month or so after the accident) was to start 2 journals. In one she put all her happy memories of her friend, all the good times they shared and also some of the "lighter" events surrounding the memorial service (my dd accidentally lit another friend's hair on fire giving her a hug). In the other, she writes about missing him, going on without him, etc. - all the sad stuff. She just commented to me the other day that she is now writing more in the happy journal as opposed to only writing in the sad journal when she started doing this. I could not get her to go to counseling (my dh and I actually went to the appointment we made for her since she refused to go), but she does seem to have her own way of dealing with her loss.
I am so sorry for your sister, her dd and family. It is going to be a rough time and I can't say that life will ever be "normal" again. We still sometimes mention things like "before the accident" or something like that. Good luck and we are sending prayers your way.
Mary
I really appreciate your book recommendation. I looked at it online and read the excerpts(sp?). It looks like a book that will be helpful for her. I hope it is available at our local bookstore, if not I will order it online. I'm so sorry for you and your son's loss.
Thank you for your help.
I really like the idea of journaling, I had not even thought about that. It's a great way to get feelings out that you don't want to share with anyone else. I will get those tomorrow when I'm out looking for the book samaples32 & you recommended. My sister said she would get my niece into counseling but like your dd, my niece may refuse to go. I'm sorry for your dd's loss.
Thank you for your prayers and advice.
For right now your shoulder will be better than any book - she probably is also dealing with a certain level of post traumatic stress also. The biggest thing you can focus on right now is yes life will look different on the other side of this but she is strong and loved.
Our community has had 14 dad's die and the oldest was only 52 - in the past 3.5 years. I have learned sometimes just sitting beside the person who is struggling to grieve is the best gift. I do tend to push my one friend who wants to shut life out but really just being there particularly when the drama wears off IS the best gift. Don't try to make it better, because you can't, but do let her know you love her and that you are there for her.
Counseling is a great idea - and as for books - let me look into what I have suggested in the past. I will certainly keep the families in my thoughts and prayers.
Courtney
Courtney
There's a great big beautiful tomorrow shining at the end of every day... there's a great big beautiful tom