Need advice with 16-yo
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| Mon, 08-20-2007 - 12:16pm |
I just found this web site and am looking for any advice/similar situations with my 16-yo son.
Ever since he got his vehicle and started driving, our lives have gone downhill. His demeanor has changed completely. He is secretive, lying, etc. A couple of months ago we did a shake-down of his vehicle, which resulted in a lead pipe, condoms, and an empty container of some kind of alcholic shooter (we had not heard of it and found it online). Loss of all privileges, vehicle, etc. was the punishment and we thought it had made a diference, but we got the shock of our lives this weekend when I was visited by the cops. I found out my son was involved (the cops used the word "accomplice") in a string of graffiti-painting in town and was taken via police car to the station on Friday night after the football game. After he left, I was literally sick to my stomach. He initially denied it to the police but his so-called friend said otherwise and then he cracked and said he did it "once." But who really knows if it was once or what...or if that even matters at this point.
We are completely shocked at the 360-degree turn our son has made - like night/day - in the matter of months. He has a job at a local fast food restaurant and is a starter on the varsity football team - seems like a great, well-rounded kid, right?? We were so proud of him, even with the small "bumps" that we were going through. We thought it was growing pains as well....but....
We are disgraced, shocked, angry, hurt - I cannot even begin to address it all - and I do not know what to do.
I thought what my son was going through was just normal teenage stuff as his grades are good, he holds down a job, star athlete for three years during school, and was always complimented by other parents....until this weekend and now what I thought I knew about my son was obviously wrong.
We had initially suspected steroid abuse but his recent athletic physical was clean for any drugs.
The run-in with the law did not seem to phase him at all and that worries us most. Can this just be a one-time thing or is it just the tip of the iceburg and where to go next? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for listening,
Beth

You're right in that this sounds like more than normal teenage behaviour.
Thanks so much for the reply. Like I said, both his dad and I really did suspect steroids, not necessarily drugs, and we tried to find them, but at this point, who knows what he is doing. They did a urine screen for all drugs at the physical and he came back clean. We have talked openly about drugs in the past and his fascination was with steroids, so I know he has contemplated taking them and we have had long, long talks about this. It really would explain all of the behavior but honestly I do not think he is doing any drugs, which makes his behavior all the more worrisome.
It is as if he truly wants to be a hood/thug/bad-boy. I don't know if it is shock value, good-boy-gone-bad or what, but he truly wants to be that way. I am not even certain if he was sorry for destroying the property of someone else and that somehow this gives him a "badge of honor among thieves" or something in this small town.
I have thought of counseling. What does it entail? Can it help if he doesn't see a problem in what he is doing? I have thought about military school previously, but then I worry if he will come out worse than when he went in.
I really do want to nip this in the bud, so any suggestions are greatly appreciated!
Thanks,
Beth
Well, that is great that he tested negative for all drugs.