need advice about teen houseguest

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2008
need advice about teen houseguest
10
Wed, 10-13-2010 - 8:12pm

My SIL has taken in a 15 y/o boy. He's the son of her ex-husband by his first wife. (He and my SIL are divorced as well, and have been for several years. They had 2 kids together who are the boy's half bro and sis...I hope this isn't too confusing) She hadn't seen him ("A") since he was around 10. His father and mother are both doing jail time for drugs, and his older brother is a HS dropout, unemployed, and has also been in trouble for some fairly serious things."A"has been living with her about a week now, and going to school here. SIL says that so far, he's been helpful and well-behaved. She's taken him against the better judgment of a lot of people...mainly due to the characters of his brother and parents. SIL says he's different from the rest of them, and if someone doesn't give him a chance, he might end up like them. I applaud her for doing this, because

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 10-13-2010 - 9:42pm

First of all I think it's great that your SIL took in this kid & that you are letting him stay w/ you now.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Wed, 10-13-2010 - 10:27pm

I agree w/Music.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2008
Wed, 10-13-2010 - 11:00pm

The gift is a good idea.

FWIW,

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 10-13-2010 - 11:01pm

I nearly let this post go, to read it tomorrow night, but now I'm glad I decided to read it!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Wed, 10-13-2010 - 11:25pm

To Rose: I was hoping you'd stop by.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2008
Wed, 10-13-2010 - 11:37pm

Thanks for the reply! I hadn't thought about the "charity case" aspect of it. Maybe it's not a good idea to buy him something on DD's Bday shopping trip?? What do you think? (I could talk to her, and put it off a couple of days until he's gone, her birthday isn't until next Thurs, she wouldn't mind) SIL told me that he had very little in the way of clothing. ( mainly some of his brother's old stuff. He's quite small for his age, he turns 16 in January and looks about 13.) Maybe I could get him a couple of things and she could tell him that his mom or dad sent money for clothes??

I told her I might take him shopping, and she thanked me for the offer, but said it wasn't necessary. She has a decent full-time job, but she's still a single mom with (now) 3 kids. We're not rich either, but I could manage a couple of things (I have a purse full of coupons, lol) to help her out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 10-14-2010 - 6:42am

If your DD wouldn't be too upset by it, I'd postpone the shopping trip until A goes back to your SIL's house. If your SIL is to establish herself in his mind as his parental figure, SHE needs to be buying the stuff for him, because that's what parents do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2008
Thu, 10-14-2010 - 8:54am

Thanks! I talked to DD this morning about the shopping trip while he was in the shower, and she understood. DH volunteered

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Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Thu, 10-14-2010 - 12:12pm

Yay for dd understanding the wait.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2008
Thu, 10-14-2010 - 2:31pm

"Yay for dd understanding the wait.