Need Advice desperate!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2004
Need Advice desperate!!
9
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 1:05pm
I am custodial stepmother to a 16 1/2 year old boy.
Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 1:24pm

Being step mom can be 'tricky'.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 1:36pm

I don't know whether it's normal or not, but he isn't your kid so you should not *waste* any energy in trying to parent him. His actual parent thinks it's fine (even if that parent is wrong) and you can't really fight against that (btw, I'm a stepmom to two young adults and *survived* their teen years by almost totally ignoring how they were being parented...doesn't mean that I ignored them, though, just the parenting).

My advice to you is to ignore the fact that he's sleeping. Make all the noise that you normally would. Just live life around him, paying no attention to whether he's awake or not. Leave the stressing up to his dad. If dad isn't stressed then why should you be, right. Stress is bad, don't take it on when it's not your problem.

I swear, my stress almost disappeared when I stopped worrying about how my step-kids were being raised. Despite their parents *incompetence* (LOL) the kids managed to grow up ok (and both moved out shortly after their 18th birthdays...yay) and become productive members of society.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 2:09pm

I agree with

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2004
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 3:55pm
Thanks for your responses.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 4:07pm

That sounds so much like my middle ds who is 16 1/2, and lives with his dad. My dd who is 13 just returned, and while she was there as well, she also had this same routine/pattern. The kids stayed up until 4 or 5 in the morning, and wouldn't get up until late afternoon. This is perfectly acceptable to their dad, but once school begins for my ds he will have to get back on track.


I agree with Rose, and this is true. Teenagers have difficulty going to bed early (earlier than 10pm) and waking up at 6 or 7am for school, their clock is different than that of an adult, they really aren't being lazy or difficult to rise in the morning.


I'm not a step parent, but I'm remarried and my dh has learned to pick and choose what is worth bothering him and what isn't.

Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 4:40pm
I agree with Rose.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 6:49pm
I definitely agree with the others. His bio-parents have to handle this one. But, don't walk on eggshells either. You have to go on about your day, just because he doesn't want to get out of bed, doesn't mean that your day stops. Vacuum, wash, all the normal activities of the day. HTH..and hang in there. Teens can be more trying than toddlers!
Photobucket



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 8:47pm
i agree with the others.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 9:27pm
I have a 21 yr old DD home from college & an almost 15 yr old DS who is going into 9th grade. I joke that they are on the night shift & I am on the day shift as I work normal 9-5 hrs so I have to be in bed by 11:30. Since DS is too young for a job he really has no reason to get up early & he stays up late watching TV or reading. I'm sure it will be he!! to get him up for school but it didn't seem worth it to make a big issue in the summer. I really don't know how late he sleeps since I'm not there but I would guess that it depends on what he's doing--if he had something exciting to do like go to his friend's house to go swimming I'm sure he could get up earlier--I think most days he probably slept til around 10:00--I doubt it was after noon time. Now DD was also a late sleeper but in college (nursing school) she had to be at the hospital at 6:30 and get up at5:00 since it was a good drive away. So this summer sometimes she would volunteer to go into work at 6:00 a.m. (to go into the store and set things up) and then sometimes she works until midnight--one night she actually worked until 3:30 a.m. So I doubt it will impair his future.