need help with discipline
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| Fri, 05-18-2007 - 6:26pm |
okay...i will first admit that we have allowed our children to become rude and disrespectful. My daughter is 14 and although she is a 'good' kid, she is becoming more and more rude, mean and hateful. She speaks to her brother with disgust, no matter what he is saying to her. She speaks to me and her dad with disgust, but only if we are not buying her something. She thinks she can do whatever she wants- and often uses the words 'well, you do it.' She doesn't do drugs, or drink...yet. I say yet because she is becoming more belligerent and sneaky. I don't know, maybe she is doing them. She doesn't take care of herself, hygienically, today she wanted to wear the same jeans she has been wearing almost all week. I cannot remember the last time she washed them. Or should I say, I washed them. She is growing her hair out, from a very short style. We all know how much it stinks to grow out your hair. It is now between not short and not long. She puts so much hair product in her hair that it is bizzare looking. I have taken her to stylist after stylist to show her how to style it while it grows out. She is still styling it in the way it was when it was short- so, of course, this takes more and more hair product. She uses so much that it never completely washes out of her hair so she has big clumps and flakes of old hair product. Despite all of this, she is social and has friends. But, why would you want to be so gross?I just spent a fortune at Glamour Shots so she could see how beautiful she is....without the crazy hair and her makeup done professionally. It didn't work. I still have to tell her to brush her teeth and wash her face. But, my biggest problem is the disrespect. How does everyone punish their kids for being verbally disrespectful? I know that I've let alot of things go because, quite frankly, I'm just shocked at who this person is. Any suggestions as to what to do on a daily basis to control the disrespect? TIA!!!

Disrespect is simply not allowed in our home. You treat everyone you come into contact with, with common decency and respect.
Should my son talk back or speak in a disrespectful manner then he will need to make restitution to the person he was direspectful to. There is no "punishment", no reason for it. He's chosen to do something to damage a relationship and it's up to him to repair that damage and make it up to the person whom he has hurt.
On the hair issue... When my son's hair was long and he wasn't caring for it properly we gave him one chance to take care of it. We told him that if it wasn't clean and styled to a standard we could accept then he would have to cut it short and keep it short. Eventually he found that it was too difficult to care for long and chose to have it cut himself.
As for clothing. If you want to wear a pair of jeans twice in a row it's ok but after that they must be washed. At 14 your dd is very capable of washing her own clothing.
As for the teeth brushing. I still have to remind my son to brush his teeth (he's 13 and has braces and has to brush after he eats anything).
stacy
Wow. My DD would really balk if I took her to stylist after stylist to have her learn how to groom herself. I insist on two haircuts a year, otherwise, DD is in charge of her own hair styles. If she asks to go more often, I'll be happy to take her. However, she wants as little handling as possible at this time. She looks neat enough. Maybe it is time to let go a little and indulge her a little less. Might also help start teaching her to recognize inner beauty and how it is more important than outward appearances.
Here, disrespect is best dealt with immediately. Generally, I ask the offender to try again to get their point across. No blame, no shame, no punishment, just a revision. This works pretty good.
We went through a bit of a phase with the disrespect this year and it was terrible...I thought an alien had abducted my DS. I read this great book :) Get Out Of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl To The Mall, by Anthony E. Wolf. I laughed and cried through the whole book. It was not long after that that the disrespect seem to wash back away....of coarse, I learned alot from the book, and started talking with DS in a much different way. I was yelling alot, I was heart broken, that I thought my beautiful little boy was going in the wrong direction....and he hated me!!! Thats what I thought. I would read it, sounds like some of the same going on with you :)
Julie