Need Help For Son's Computer Addiction!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Need Help For Son's Computer Addiction!
10
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 2:27pm

Hi everyone. I'm new to this board but not to iVillage. I have a dilema and don't know what to do. My 16 year old son is addicted to computer games. He is literally on the computer from the time he wakes up in the morning until the time he goes to bed. He only takes breaks to shower, go to the bathroom and gather food. He eats all his meals at his computer and is very impatient if interrupted. He NEVER leaves the house except to go to school. His grades are good (87% average) - though I've never seen him with a book - and I've been telling myself that, as long as his grades are good I wouldn't interfere. But now I just don't feel right about it. He has friends but only associates with them via instant messenger. He doesn't go anywhere or do anything.

Prior to his Dad's and my divorce 4 years ago, he was very social - invited to every birthday party, sleepover, etc. Played sports, roller bladed, etc. All the things normal boys do. He totally withdrew when his Dad and I separated. We thought time would take care of it but it's only gotten worse. He doesn't drink or use drugs - how could he since he never leaves the house! :-)

So....what do I do? I know I should at least limit it - but to how many hours? I'm hesitant to take it away completely because that's his only line of communication to his friends. They all use instant messenger so if he's not online he will be even more isolated. Has anyone else encountered this with their teen and, if so, how did you handle it?

Thank you in advance for your input!!!

Debbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 10:29pm

Hi Debbie and welcome to the board.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 11:26am
Thanks, Pam. I think I already knew all the things you said but I guess I needed to hear them from someone else for reassurance! Strength in numbers! :-) So, you indicated a couple of hours a day, huh? He will have a total cow since he now is on roughly 16 hours a day. But I will do it for sure. I always say, if they hate us it must mean we're doing a good job! I think I'd like to hear from other parents too as to how many hours a day they think is healthy. Perhaps I'll do a poll. Thanks again! Debbie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2006
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 12:08pm

Debbie,

I have a 14yo dd who has a computer in her bedroom. However, I control her internet access times through settings on MY computer. I allow her 2 hours on school days (from 7pm to 9pm) and 5 hours on non-school days, i.e. summer and weekends (from 4pm to 9pm). Anything more than that is at my discretion. And, of course, she is not on the computer this entire time as she also eats supper, talks on the telephone, and watches tv during these same periods of time. I had her sign an internet usage agreement with me and one of the conditions for having internet at all was she agreed to my blocking the "myspace" website. My 11yo ds also has a computer in his bedroom, but so far has shown no interest in the internet.

Amelia

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 2:59pm
Amelia - How do you control the internet access from your computer? Is it something that you bought - software? hardware? It sounds like a great idea! Would it affect my access at the same time or just his?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2006
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 10:16pm

Hi Debbie,

You ask a good question because I am pretty much a computer dunce. I had one of our computer guys from work come to my house and set me up. But in basic language: My computer plugs into the phone jack in my bedroom. Then through a wireless mechanism and software, my daughter is able to access the internet from my connection. My computer can be off and she can still access hers during the predetermined hours. My computer has the potential for access 24/7, but is password protected, and I log off before leaving my room when dd is around. I think the wireless stuff has a name - NETGEAR router, perhaps. I went to Staples and bought it there (but I was just buying what my computer friend told me to).

Amelia

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 11:16pm
Thanks, Amelia. I will have to ask my "computer guy" about this. He'll probably know what to do. Thanks for the great idea!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 4:02pm
I know your pain! I just put controls on the computers in our home because the computer truly was and is an addiction. Not only that, but xbox has now taken its place since the internet access is limited. I made it impossible for my child to access games on the internet because it was too tempting and grades took a nosedive. I hope it makes a difference in the future. Now my child has substituted xbox every possible spare minute, so I am going to have to ban it after a certain hour, Problem is, when your not home, they are likely to get back on, so I am taking the power cords and controls.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 10:15pm
How did you put the controls on? Did you buy something and install it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 8:12am
It was a free program that came with the computer as far as I know. I'm not too computer savy but DH set it up. We also used a password on at least one computer so only a parent can log on to get to the internet. I believe there are a series of passwords that are used to set up the controls. I'm still going to consider getting the email and messaging software that can record all correspondence. My controls have put an end to messaging but I want another layer of protection, just in case. I think someone mentioned IamBigBrother on another thread. This computer use has been a disaster in our home the past year and I was at the end of my rope. Now I think we have found a solution. One thing to watch out for is overlapping software, you don't want to cancel out one filter with another one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 12:43pm

how about some old fashioned bribery, ummm i mean 'positive reinforcements'?

pick a number of hours that is on the low end - lets say two hours a day. talk with your son, explain your concerns, and tell him that he can be on for two hours a day. but - that if he wants to, he can 'earn' additional hours. lets say - for each hour of volunteer work, he gets another hour, for going outside he gets another hour or whatever else you want him to do.