need help-what to do about dd's boyfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
need help-what to do about dd's boyfriend
6
Sat, 07-02-2011 - 6:04am

Hi everyone,

I'm so worried about my 15 year old daughter. She has been in love with a guy for over a year. This is not puppy love or a crush. I know love when I see it. 4 months ago, after a year of mind games and letdowns, he finally asked her to be his gf. Of course she said yes. And he told her she is the one for him and he was stupid not to have seen it earlier and that he wants to marry her, etc. She was in heaven. Well 4 months later, he is always "too busy" to see her (even though no job or school),will only see her once a week, and when she asks

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Sat, 07-02-2011 - 8:02am
Do you know him or his family? At 15 some kids aren't allowed to date (mine wasn't; I wasn't, as examples) so maybe they're limiting him as to when he can do something with a girl? Can she ask something like that of him? It may be awkward for him to tell her that if that's the case. Good luck, but as far as getting involved, just provide an ear if you can.

Sue
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sat, 07-02-2011 - 9:18am

Hugs to you - these teenage romances can be tough on us parents, too! The reality is that the vast majority of high school romances don't last (yes, I know there are exceptions and there are a few on this board who have young adults that are living proof of that). My boys weren't even allowed to date at 15 - all 'romances' took place at school or the occasional big group get together at our house or the home of a family we knew and trusted. Perhaps this is the case with this boy or perhaps he's a typical 15 year old boy. Many kids this age go through girlfriends/boyfriends faster than they go though clean socks. Is your dd keeping busy with hobbies, activities, girlfriends, etc? You say you know love when you see it but if a 15 year old child's happiness and sense of self-worth hinges on getting to spend time with another 15 or 16 year old child it doesn't sound very healthy to me. If you step in what would you do? If you intend to be there to listen and steer her towards her other friends, activities, encourage her not to be so focused on a single boy, etc. I don't see anything wrong with that. If you intend to get involved in the drama by contacting the boy or something I don't think that's such a good idea.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 07-02-2011 - 9:51am

You don't say how old the boyfriend is, but I'm going to assume, since your DD is 15, that he's in the 15-16 age range.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Sat, 07-02-2011 - 2:30pm

Are you close to any of her friends so that you can subtly find out their take on it? I like that about my daughter's friends. They are SO on my side because she's so ridiculous.

How about providing distractions? Maybe a mom/daughter day with a mani/pedicure. Vacation? Trip to see grandma? Six Flags park with other friends? Nurture a hobby? New pet? Redecorating her room for a new project? Ask her to help you plan a new flower garden?

Be short and sweet with her instead of long lectures. State your case with simple advice. Let her know you are here to talk or her aunt or grandma or the neighbor friend if she needs an adult. Maybe have the guidance counselor at school check up on her?

Good luck. My teens haven't yet had serious relationships. I understand it is as hard for the parents as it is for the teen as you deal with the ups and downs.

Becky - mom to dd 15 and ds 13
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Sat, 07-02-2011 - 9:29pm

Well, Well, Well!

Welcome to the worry club and sleepless nights.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Sat, 07-02-2011 - 11:38pm

Another thing that I would caution you to look out for is this.