NEED INPUT RE ENCOURAGING WORDS

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
NEED INPUT RE ENCOURAGING WORDS
1
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 3:50am
Hi to you all from Sydney Australia. I was wondering if you have any words of wisdom I can use when my 13 y.o. son gets dispirited if he's not doing great at baseball. Last weekend we had the tryouts, he started off not at his best and increasingly got more and more down as the tryouts went on. Does anyone have a few quicks words that they use to encourage at times like this. It has to be kind of quick and casual, just to get them to keep their heads up and maintain positive attitude no matter what. Also how do I explain that it just doesnt look good for it to be obvious they are feeling badly (i.e. looking glum, stooped shoulders etc). Thank you and best wishes from Avi
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 11:11am

This is so difficult and I've had both my children go through this same thing at one time or another.

Firstly, I have great respect for people being allowed to just feel what they feel. If he feels down and discouraged, that is okay. Kids need to learn too that life is not always happy, things don't always go their way and the adage that "if you work hard enough you can do anything" isn't always right. Its a good approach but the results may not always be what they might desire.

When my son has come home discouraged that he couldn't swim well enough, skate well enough, play soccer (football to the Aussies) well enough, I would just give him a hug and let him talk to me about what he felt went wrong. Then I would ask him if he thinks he could do anything to improve. We would try to solve the problem together and eventually he would talk himself into persevering. He didn't always succeed. In fact he has tried many things and not stuck with them but I always insisted he remain committed for a reasonable amount of time before determining it wasn't for him.

He recently started pursuing a martial art for the first time. At first he felt inadequate but myself and his father kept telling him that it takes time and practice and to just keep attending classes and he would improve. And within a few weeks he DID improve and he is doing very well.

My daughter dances and for years she aspired to be a professional dancer. When she reached a certain age she determined she just didn't have enough skills/performance level/strength to be a professional. Again we talked through what she felt she might do to get to that level and after some discussion with her teachers she determined she wasn't willing to do what was necessary. So now it is something she does because she loves to do it vs because she wants to be a dancer and she is much more relaxed.

I guess the best way to be encouraging is to just listen, don't lecture, help them analyze their issues and concerns towards finding a solution and encourage them to give everything enough TIME.