Need (Job) Advice
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| Mon, 08-20-2007 - 8:00pm |
Hi! I'm new here, and I hate to start off asking advice without some type of bio, but I really need advice.
I'm a single parent of two teenagers (14 and 16). I divorced their father when they were one and three. I receive no assistance, pay a mortgage, and drive vehicles that are, basically, on the verge of collapse. I've spent the last several years working dead-end, low paying jobs, and presently I make $9.50 an hour (been there 7 years) with no hope of going anywhere. There are paydays when, after paying all my bills, I might have $40 or $50 to buy groceries with for the next two weeks. I have medical insurance, but no dental or optical, and after paying into a retirement plan for the last three or four years, I have a whopping $400 accumulated to retire on. BUT it is a daytime office job, close to home, and I have been able to be actively involved in my chidren's activities, etc.
I now have the opportunity to make considerably more ($13.00 hr. to start, with a $1.00 raise after training and regular annual raises). It offers a complete benefit package, including optical and dental, better retirement, and is actually a more secure job than I have now (local government). The only problem is that I have to work second or third shift ... whichever one I choose. I honestly believe I would like the job. I'm thinking of taking second shift. If I work third, the kids will be alone all night and I will spend the entire time worrying about them while I'm at work (the job is about 20 minutes from my home). But taking second, I will miss out on their lives. Yes, I will have a couple days off each week, but the rest of the time, I'll only see them maybe one or two hours a day. I do have a neighbor who can check on them and her husband works second shift, so she's up late, but my family lives away from this area, so I have no one who can stay with them while I'm at work.
My kids and I have a good relationship, and they're good kids. My daughter is planning to go to college in the next couple of years, and my son plans to go into law enforcement. I've been concerned for some time that, although I can provide a roof over my daughter's head while she attends college, after my child support ends (when my son graduates), I won't be able to provide a roof over my son's head while he goes to school. This is a big fear for me because my mother was unable to help me when I was younger and I had to get a job rather than go to college.
Any advice? Am I making the wrong decision?

Only you can know what is the right decision for you, but I can tell you what I've observed.
This really is a tough decision, but you have to think of your future as well as that of the kids. I guess I would agree w/ the other 2--if you have a reasonably safe neighborhood and neighbors who could be called in case of emergency, I guess 3rd shift would be better. The kids could be home in bed by 11:00 and assuming they could get themselves off to school. If you're working 3:00-11:00, then they have to make dinner for themselves (I suppose you could leave something) but then they also have to do their own homework w/ noone to ask for help and you're right, you could never go to any school activities. Is there some possibility that after a certain time you could switch to the daytime shift? My ex works for the post office and most of the time we were married, he worked 3rd shift, but now he works even stranger hours--4:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. but the post office he is at isn't that far from his home and it's actually 10 mins. from my house, so sometimes he will take our son on his way home from work.
Good luck to you. I think if you have good kids, you can sit down with them and have a family discussion about how you need to get a better job but it might require some family sacrifices and ask them to pitch in. I work regular day hours, but still have times when my 12 yo DS has to be home alone. That's the worst age, when they are too old for the childhood programs but too young to work. I'm not worried about him doing anything wrong. I just feel bad if he's bored. He has 2 older sisters, so during the school year, he wasn't alone all the time, but the oldest is going off to college this year and his DSS works sometimes. But it's not like I can quit work.
Only you can make the best decision for yourself but I have to agree with the other posters. My DH tried working 2nd shift when DD was only a tot so one of us was always home with her. But then she started school and he felt he missed out on too much, and that was knowing that DD was home with me, so he switched to 3rd which allowed him to be involved in DD's daily activities and dinners. DD will be 18 soon and she still needs our guidance and for us to be involved in her every day life..even though I feel like I'm only a backdrop half the time she feels better seeing me there. As one poster said, if you have a safe neighborhood and you have good kids then chances are they will be settled down by the time you leave for work at night and you can sleep during the day and still be there for them on a daily basis.
Sometimes DH would be very nervous leaving DD alone if I was out late so he would tell her that he was setting the alarm and if she left the house he would know it because the alarm company had an online log of all activity entering or existing the house...lol. I think she just recently figured out that he made that up.
You sound like a great mom only doing what is best for your family. Good luck with this tough decision.
Wow! I definitely hear where you are coming from! I am a single mom with two kids (12 and 17) and face the same struggles. I absolutely understand you wanting to move to a better paying job. I often think of getting a second job to try and make ends meet. But, the idea of spending MORE time away from my kids, is not only frightening, but, not the kind of mom I want to be. I struggle now, with my 9-5 job, with having to miss some school activities, etc.
I think I would have to agree with some of the other posters that suggested the 3rd shift. That may be hardest on you, but, may give you the most peace of mind. Is there a chance of changing shifts after you've gotten your foot in the door?
I am sure you will figure out what the right thing to do is for you and your kids. But, I wanted you to know that I understand how hard it is. I too fear my oldest DD17 going to college next year and financially being able to figure all of this out! Very scary when you pay the bills and have very little left over for groceries!!!!
Hang in there! You sound like a great mom!
Jennifer