need an opinion...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
need an opinion...
7
Sat, 09-18-2010 - 8:19pm

I was wondering if someone could give me a heads up as to what to do...I have a son who is 15 yo, went into gr 10 this yr and we are having a hard time getting him to go to school...I would like if he gets himself up for school and be responsible for himself...but he needs to be "baby'ed" cuz he is too slow...in the physical sense, I should say...he is messy, always misplacing things and when he has it in his head that he is not going to school...I may well not say anything to him cuz he is not going to school. I have tried to ask him if he was sick, dislike school, or was mad at me (we moved to a new town/school) for his father's job...when he sleeps he can sleep for 10 hrs plus at a time...I am wondering if I should take him to get his blood check for something that I am not aware of or what?? He keeps joking that he has "mono" and I told him not to joke about that cuz my sister had it when she was in high school and it was not fun for her...

I would appreciate any input...I just do not know what to do...

btw....I have an older son (17) who is going to start taking correspondence course simply cuz he needs help with his classes and they do not have that service at this school. I also have 3 younger kids...ages 13, 10 and 8 yo.

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Sat, 09-18-2010 - 9:14pm

My son's doctor says that 10 hours of sleep is what a teen should be gettting every night.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Sat, 09-18-2010 - 9:34pm

My DS has pretty much every move of his morning on a checklist. It really helps him to be organized and to not forget anything. What also helps is getting as much done the night before. He makes his lunch, gets his school bag organized, and puts together the next day's outfit before he goes to bed. That way, when he gets up it's a matter of taking care of hygiene, breakfast, and getting dressed.

I also have him get up about an hour and a half before he needs to leave the house, so there is lots of time and stress is kept to a minimum. I realize that many US kids have to leave super-early and this may not be an option. My kid doesn't start class until 9 am and we're a five-minute bike ride from the school.

I've told my DS that unless he's vomiting or has a fever, that he IS going to school, even if I have to walk him there and hold his hand all day. That threat got him moving pretty quick, LOL.

About the sleeping, I read somewhere that teens need a minimum of 10 hours of sleep per night in order to be well-rested, so maybe your DS needs to be getting off to bed a little earlier. Again, I realize that some US kids are having to get up ridiculously early for school, and that scheduling 10 hours of rack-time would have them in bed by 7 or 8pm, but do what you can to get him as close to that 10 hours as reasonably possible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 9:50am

I have to chime in about the 10 hours of sleeping... that's fairly normal, but maybe he needs to get to bed earlier at night? Make sure he's not playing video games, watching tv, on the computer or texting until midnight, because if he is, that's going to make the mornings worse.

I little red light went on when I read that you asked if he doesn't want to go to school "because he's mad at me" - make sure you make going to school all about HIM, not about you. Doesn't matter if he's mad at you, school is his job, and it's his responsibility to get himself there and do the work. Doesn't matter if he's mad at you or not - that is irrelevant to his responsibility to get himself to school. And he doesn't like it? It would be worth exploring why he doesn't like it, but the reality is - you sometimes have to do things that you don't like. There are days when I don't like my job much, but guess what? I still have to go or I won't have a job for long. That's a lesson that he'd be best off to learn now, or he'll be pretty cold and hungry some day when he just decides he doesn't feel like going to work.

I pretty much never let my kids miss school unless they had a fever or were vomiting. That was just the rule from the get-go, and by the time they were 15, they knew there wasn't much getting around going to school. It's not too late to institute that rule.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 12:28pm

Well..15 can be a difficult age to begin with and I know you mentioned that some days he just doesn't go to school at all? Meaning he flat out refuses to go? I am sure it is difficult adjusting/fitting in to a new school especially as a Sophomore, but he still needs to go to school. I think you and your dh need to put your foot down and let ds know that it is his responsibility to go to school. Period. He can be mad all he wants, but he still needs to get up and going in the mornings..As far as mono goes, since your dd already had this, I am sure you know the symptoms, so if you think he needs to be taken in for a check up, then by all means.



Now as far as your oldest taking correspondence courses? does this mean he is home during the day and not attending a traditional high school?? I had a bit of a struggle with my middle son last year (16) when my oldest (17 1/2) attended a diploma program and was able to go at any day and time he chose. Well, this really irked my middle ds! He was constantly complaining about how unfair it was, and how unfair it was that my oldest was graduating a year ahead of schedule, and all the free time that my oldest ds had available.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 11:06pm
First of all, I would reinforce the idea that not going to school is not an option unless he is really sick. My DS is also 15 but in 9th grade because his BD is 9/1. He had a bad cold on Fri and I had to tell him that he had to stay home--if he went he'd just be sniffling sneezing all day & I know I'd get a call from the nurse and I work far from school. He was like "mom, you don't know how much work you miss if you miss a day of school." So if you give your DS the idea that not going is an option, then he'll start working on you. As far as liking him to get up by himself, my DS just can't get up that early (6:15). Even when he goes to bed early (and getting 10 hrs of sleep just isn't an option as debbie said, he's not going to go to bed at 8:00, it's more like 10:00) but the early hour conflicts w/ his normal time of waking up, so he can have his alarm blaring and sleep right through it so I still have to wake him. My DD was not like that--at least she would hear her alarm. But since it's so early, he does make sure that everything is arranged the night before--his lunch money, his backpack is all packed, his clothes are picked out. So it does make getting out of the house more like a 15 min. process.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 11:04am

I thank you all for your input...

my son is in a phase that he does not know what to do, he wants to just play xbox all the time with his friends from our last home...he is missing his friends big time but he would not admit until this morning when his father was raising his voice at him...but my dh told him that he HAD to go to school no matter what...BUT if he wanted to take correspondence courses we would support him if he chooses. But my oldest has a reading disability so school was always a challenge for him and since he only needs a few more credits to graduate he is sure he can do it at home. That is something I know he can do, once he has a plan of action he usually follows thru. But my 2nd is basically jealous and wants to do what his big brother doing...but I am not sure he would follow thru with the correspondence courses...he is a smart kid and he has no problem with doing his classes. (no reading disabilities...)

so...hopefully things will settle down, now I can help my son figure out what his next plan of action is...hopefully, "back to school"

thx again to all who posted,

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 11:20am
I think there is no better way to make friends in his new location than to go to school---if he does correspondence from home, he's not going to meet anyone and going to be more homesick for the old place. Sure it's awkward at first, but eventually he will make friends esp if he joins some activity. I'm sure there are kids at his new school who like to play XBox too.