Need some advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2003
Need some advice
3
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 12:29am
My 16 yr old son is going to break up with a fine gal who I know he cares alot about, but the relationship has cooled. He told me the last time he broke it off, she carved his initials into her leg while talking to him. This makes me so sad. She lives with her dad. Her Grandparents live nearby. I told him he can't just stay with someone because she does this. Yes, feel bad, but let someone know. Her parent, grand, or guidance counciler(how do__ you sp. this word!) at school. If needed I would call. Her Mom, he said he could call, but is this enough?
Avatar for jupiterfit
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 1:11pm
Hmmmm, what a tough situation for your son. The cutting indicates she is frustrated. I've heard of a lot of teens cutting these days and it is a release for them, from what I understand. It makes the emotional pain into real pain so they can deal with it. Still, it isn't healthy. My daughter had a friend who was going through some emotional pain at home and started cutting herself, then drinking. I tried to talk to the girl's mother. It did not go well. (The mother said she hated me). The parent may feel their parenting is being challenged if addressed by another parent. It might be better for your son to tell a counselor or her mother. If he has been going out with her for a long time, he might be comfortable enough to tell her. The main thing is for him to make her realize that she is not to blame. Relationships change and life changes and sometimes things are good, sometimes they are not so good.. but things will get better for her. It's okay for her to feel sad for awhile. If things really are bad for a few months, it might be nice just to tell the mom that you hope the girl is doing okay and leave it at that. Hopefully things will progress to a "new page" in life.
Debbie
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2003
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 1:26pm
Maybe since they've broken up before, she'll take it better, and no intervention will be needed. Your son will likely get a good feel as to how she takes it when the time comes.

I agree, though, that if it does look like she's going to self-injure, someone should be told in a non-confrontational manner that there is concern for her well-being.

On a more positive note, my dd (14 at the time) was a cutter, and hasn't cut for well over a yr now. (Her cutting was due to conflict between her 4 parents.)

Kathy

dd 16 yo (former cutter - thank goodness, no scars!)

dd 14 yo (would never self-mutilate)

ds 13 months old (too cute for words!)

Avatar for yuccabugg
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 9:19pm
If that's how she reacted last time, I think it may be a good idea to alert the guidance counselor if he thinks she may self-injure again. It's a sign of deeper issues, not just frustration.