Need some advice here
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 01-25-2006 - 8:23am |
Ok, I am actually talking about my 14 yo sister right now. I have my own daughter whos 2 but I live with my parents. My sister is so rude and mean to my parents it makes me sick. She will call my father a "retard" or my mother stupid. All she wants si to bewith her friends. She is constantly on the phone or computer and if anyone, especailly our 21 yo brother, asked to use either one she storms off in a huff. I know it is not my place to discipline her and I think my parents are starting to give up. The town made everyone pay 200 bucks for each student to ride the bus to school. My parents paid it but Lauren refuses to use it in the morning. It is not a matter of time. She is usually up before anyone else. She wakes my father up every morning to drive her and gets mad if he sleeps late. My father works really hard and sometimes works 14 hr days. To come home at 10pm go to bed at 1-2am and have her yell at him at 715 isnt fair. She will not listen anyone. Not me, my parents, anyone. I dont know if it is because I am younger and have more energy or just because I have not hit this point with ym own child yet, I think if she were mine, I would take everything away. Computer, phone time, friends. Her grades are also going downhill. She is not a stupid person. SHe is smart she just chooses to not care about her schoolwork. I don't know what to tellmy parents anymore but I hate to see them get upset b/c of her. She still gets almost everything she wants, which REALLY drives me crazy. My parents are both 50 and just too tired and worn out to fight with her.
I was not a perfect child, not by far. I know I made mistakes and I pushed my parents pretty far but I was never mean and disrespectful to them on a daily basis. I never insulted my parents or anything like that. My brother was the same. We'd have fights and there would be a tense day or 2 but then we'd apologize, deal with what ever punishment was handed down and that was that. My sister is hardly punished. Being the baby of the family and with 7 yrs between her and my brother, she got spoiled pretty bad as a kid and now we are paying the price of that. She fails classes at school and is only punished for one day? That doesnt seem harsh enough to me but I am just her big sister. It is not my job to tell her waht to do.
Does anyone have any suggestions or experience in this? I would love to help my parents help her. She seems so unhappy and mad all hte time. I donot know what to do. I mean she is only 14 and I can see a not so great road laying ahead of her and honestly, it scares me that she will go down it.
Thanks for reading and any help anyone can give.



Bless your heart. What a kind daughter you are. You didn't mention your age, but regardless, you seem like a together, caring young woman.
Your sister is suffering from teenage-itis----my DS, who is 15, does some of the things your sister does---and I don't have any actual advice----we struggle day to day with the respect issue. My son's grades are fine, and he's involved in athletics which keeps him really busy and HOPEFULLY out of alot of extra trouble. so you guys are dealing with a little more than we are---but I know it is frustrating.
First and foremost, I would sit and have a heart to heart with your folks. Does your mom work outside the home? Maybe SHE could take your sister to school so your dad could sleep a little? If she works, or has other early am responsibilities, then I'd advise your parents to just tell her that they can no longer accomodate her desire to be driven to school into their busy work schedule, and she'll have to ride the bus. She'll complain, and carry on and tell them she refuses to ride the bus, but my guess is that she will if they don't give in. That is the main hurdle---let your parent's have a little peace in their morning routine. My guess is her desire to be with her friends will prompt her to not 'skip' school and go ahead and ride the bus.
As far as the telephone and general disrespect--I wish I had a good answer or advise for you. My teen told me during a heart to heart that he didn't feel he IS being disrespectful to me------but he is. So, I put my foot down and reprimand him when he IS disrespectful and when it doesn't stop, the cell phone is the first thing to be taken away, then the computer---sometimes it works, sometimes it backfires...........it is a day to day struggle.
I agree that you aren't in a position to dicipline her as her sister. But maybe you could take her out for a coke and have a sister 'heart to heart' and you could tell her what you observe and how you feel. Maybe it would sink in to hear it from someone closer to her age.......maybe YOU could run your sister by school in the mornings on your way to work or your daughter's daycare and take that time each morning to visit with her in a non-confrontational, sisterly way? Believe it or not, kids often do hear what we say. They act like they don't and they often ignore our advise, but some of it sinks in.
Good luck, and keep us posted!
Shels