Need some advise

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Need some advise
21
Sun, 08-19-2007 - 11:33am

My son is 14 and is driving me crazy with his obsession with porn. I understand that he is curious, but he really has no control. We don't let him on the computer anymore because of this, but I also know he needs some kind of outlet..KWIM?

My question is.. should I just get him a playboy and tell him to keep it in his room?

Background: He has Asperger's syndrome, so he is a little slow when it comes to filtering his behavior.

Please any advice would be awesome!

Daisypath Anniversary tickers 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 1:39am

Very good advice!

Jason

My website: http://TheParentsCoach.com
My parents blog: http://blog.TheParentsCoach.com       &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 8:44am

Hi there. Good for you for looking out for your ds.

I have a dd so by no means an expert in the situation but just had a thought. Is there an Asperger's (sp) board on i-Village? Some of those moms and dads on that site can probably offer some really great advice on how to handle his interest in porn.

Best of luck.

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 10:05am

Asperger's children and adults commonly develop obsessions about certain things and I imagine that this is one of those 'things'. It will be a challenge to break him of it, but I strongly urge you to try and continue until it's done. My best friend has a dd with aspergers and she's obsessed by several things and when she was little, my friend was able to go along with it, it seemed harmless and less indulgent behavior due to her age. But as the child has grown, it is now definitely not harmless. It is strongly indulgent and very intrusive. Plus, it preoccupies the child's mind at times when it's not appropriate. I will not post here what the obsessive behavior this little girl is into, but it's not a far stretch from what you're describing.

My 17dd has Tourette Syndrome and TS and AS have a lot of crossover behaviors. One in particular is obsessive and repetative behaviors - singing songs on commercials, repeating phrases, getting stuck in thoughts, impulsive behaviors.

First of all, porn overall for a young teen is not appropriate because they do not have enough life experience to put it into proper perspective, it can become addicting and an obsession very quickly. Your son is not only a young teen, but he also has AS, a double whammy. As a parent you need to find a way to tell him it's not appopriate without making him feel bad about his natural curiosity - tricky. Perhaps with the help of your son's therapist, you will find a way to create diversions and redirect him when the subject comes up. It's healthy for him to be curious about women's bodies, but it's not okay for him to use them for his own personal tittilation and *possible* satisfaction, as you already know.

Finding him a new or healthier outlet is important - as I said above - 'redirect' techniques usually work. A lot of cognitive therapists use this approach with their patients. You replace an undesirable behavior with a healthy behavior - as long as it's something he can get into, it should work. But remember, hormones are also playing a role here! Best of luck~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 10:15am

You are right that the whole 'self-discovery' thing is perfectly normal for young teens.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 10:30am

<<>>

This is very good advice.
While I have no experience with this syndrome, it would seem appropriate to coordinate with the therapist and be careful with the fine line between a normal and healthy curiosity and making this into a clinical problem. At any rate, it would be wise to address this without the use of erotic material.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 6:24pm

The only problem h&r, is that the obsessions that come with Aspergers are SOO strong that they can be incredibly difficult to redirect.

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 8:05pm

Definitely working with the therapist is key. I never suggested doing it on their own without the therapist - that would be a losing battle.

My friend's dd has already been sent home from school on several occasions due to her obsession. And unfortunately, my friend was never a big believer in all that working with a therapist could offer in the sense of changing her dd's behavior. It's only now, that it's interferring with my friend's life, as she sought help from a counselor...a few years too late IMO.

I really feel for the OP. This is a tough issue with TT, let alone with someone who has such strong "wired" obsessions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 5:50am

To be truthful h&r, this is one of my "buttons" - just because our family has gone through so much because of my brothers' behavior.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 7:46am

Personally I'd get him help for the problem, not feed into it.

JMO
stacy

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 9:43am

{{rose}} - I can totally see where you're coming from. Please don't make any excuses for your response. We all have our own personal reasons for responding to one topic or another in varying degrees.

This particular topic touches close to home for me due to my own dd's disorders which have been described as borderline AS. This is something that we really looked into and visited a lot of DR's over. We've come to terms with her dx of TS and, as with most brain disorders, we realize that they all have some cross-over symptoms. We try to address each one as they arise. Not always an easy task.

As you obviously know, all brain disorders have a wide range of severity and when one person is diagnosed with AS, his/her symptoms can be completely irrelevant to another person diagnosed with the same disorder. I have two very close friends, each of them with an autistic teen. One of them is considered 'high functioning' and will likely be able to one day live independently or in a group home for independent adults. The other will likely have to live in a medical institution when her parents can no longer care for her.

I'm so sorry that you're family is grappling with this difficult decision concerning your brother and I am VERY sad to hear that your mom is trying to guilt you into taking your brother in. You and H are doing the right thing to protect your family unit. You can love your brother without endangering your family or turning it's dynamic upside down - yeah for your H! I'm sure your mother is acting out of desperation; She doesn't want your brother to go outside the family for care, which is an understandable reaction for a mom. But it's just too much to ask at this time and hopefully she will come to realize that. Gentle hugs to you~