Need some help with teen sneaking out...
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| Sun, 11-12-2006 - 7:52am |
Hi, This is my first time on this board. I use to be on other boards for my younger kids. Anyways, here is a little history before I get into the issue.
I have 2 teens ages 14 and 12. I also have a 4 and 3 year old.
A few houses down from my DS best(girl)friend's house is a guy pending charges on attempting kidnapping. This same guy who took pictures of my other son while walking the dog. I called the cops and they said he didn't do anything illegal by taking pictures. Well a month later he tried to kidnap a 13 year old boy getting off the bus for summer school. I talked to the detective who said this guy was a wierdo and to keep my kids away from him. He has to drive past my house to get in and out of the neighboor hood (he lives at the end of our street at the cul-de-sac.
I have had reasons to believe my 14 year old has been sneaking out the house, or at least I know he has planned to, but no proof he has ever followed through. So more and more at night I wake up to check on him. His best friend (he has another girl as a girl friend because this girl didn't want to be his girlfriend, but now that he has a girlfriend, she is jealous and wants to be his girlfriend now. They have been best girl/boy friends for over a year). So I have been mentioning it more and more that he better not be sneaking out, etc. He says he doesn't. Well my DH is camping with DS12 this weekend (boy scouts) and I kept waking up last night and DS was on the computer and I told him to be off by midnight. At midnight I wake up (for unknown reason) and walk down towards the front door to find DS, halfway out the door!
So what would you do? This girls house is a couple houses away from the guy facing attempted kidnapping charges! The plan was to hang out in the girls room. So if the dad woke up and found them, he could have seriously hurt DS as well.
I need a way to make DS understand this as he just kinda says the "whatever" and wants to move on.
I also need suggested punishments.

1. His room will be stripped of all things that he doesn't need. In other words, leave his bed and his clothes. That's it. No more computer, video games, television. No more privileges. Period.
2. Tell him you will contact the girls parents and let them know what is going on.
If he does it again after that and you follow through, I guarantee you it won't happen again!
Peace,
Susan
I don't know if you have a Radio Shack or any electronic store where you live but I found an air pressure change alarm system there that will go off whenever a window or door is opened. You can move around the house with it on. I love it. It was also only around $100.00.
As for telling the mother. If your son is now seeing someone else maybe he will stop seeing the neighbors daughter and you won't have to mention it. If I was going to tell her anything I would probably tell all. I, as a mother of a 15 and 13 year old daughter would appreciate it although I know everyone is different in their thinking.
I like the inexpensive alarm idea. I used to be a pretty light sleeper but I find that skill waning. Short of having him bunk on the bedroom floor nightly, Im not sure how else to stop it. Punishments only work if you catch them-realistically, this could have been the 20th time it happeened
We found out DS2 was sneaking out of the house when he had a basement bedroom but we found out rather after the fact. Hed already been moved to an upstairs bedroom for another infraction which helped- to the best of my knowledge!
It never occured to me that the window was being left open and we were all vulnerable because of that until I read this thread. DUH!!!
I would probably also give this kid a key. Tell him you want him to be able to get in if the electricity is down or something if you want, but the thought of an open back door like that scares me in any neighborhood and yours sounds like it has some challenges
I would seriously consider telling the parents of the girl. I know parents can be clueless about their own kids and refuse to see the light but perhaps you could phrase is as solely being needing help with DS's problem. They dont have to know she has agreed to let him in-it could be more of a 'hes sneaking out to visit friends; we need your help in knowing if hes down this way'
Although a different situation, my dd snuck out once to be with a boy we didn't approve of. We had an alarm system at the time, but didn't use it ~ now we do. I know the companies do require a contract,
You should call the monitered alarms places back and ask if you can include a military clause in the contract. Many places will do this because they'd rather have a contract for a period of time rather than no contract. Don't make it sound like you're about to move, but that its possible you could be moving before a full three years. Make it sound like it could be a few month shy of three years, like its not a big deal. They'll feel like they'll get 'most' of the three years and be more likely to work with you. But if they agree, make sure it's in writing on the contract itself.
IMO, $40 a month is worth it for peace of mind regarding both your son and the guy in your neighborhood!