Need to vent :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2008
Need to vent :(
26
Tue, 07-05-2011 - 11:09pm

My DD's best friend just let me in on the reason she has been so upset these last few days. She hasn't been eating, sleeping well, and has been crying a lot. (although she tells me repeatedly nothing is wrong) DD has had a best guy friend since 8th grade, last year, he started telling her he was in love with her, but she was dating someone else at the time. He went away on summer vacation and during his absence she decided that she loved him as well (they are both almost 18). He got back last Friday and spent all day with her. Then she didn't see him Saturday because he had to work, she didn't see him on Sunday because he had "other plans", then he stopped texting her altogether and it's been almost almost 48 hrs since they've spoken (she's texted and I guess he ignores it). After asking what was wrong and getting rebuffed for the 1,000th time, I texted her best friend and asked her to come over and cheer her up. We spoke out in the driveway before she came in the house and she let me know in a roundabout way that DD had lost her virginity to the boy that Friday night. (I promised I wouldn't say anything about it and I won't) But I am SO LIVID at that kid right now. He has been proclaiming undying love for a year, and now that she's returning it, he won't speak to her anymore! Are boys so stupid they honestly don't understand what that means for most girls? My heart is breaking for my daughter right now. I can't say it anywhere else since I promised not to, but I have to get this off my chest.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Wed, 07-06-2011 - 12:56am

It's good to vent and this is a good place.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2008
Wed, 07-06-2011 - 3:14am

Thanks. I was hoping I was misreading what was going on but I wasn't. The kid's best friend is also a friend of DD's. I asked him on Facebook if he could elighten me. He did. (he is mad at his friend as well) It seems "Loverboy" already had a gf but was keeping it a secret (for some reason) until after he got back from vacation. But when my daughter told him she loved him as soon as he got home, he took advantage of the opportunity. She's always said she wanted to be with somebody special the first time. She thought she was, but has found out differently in the worst way. Now, the kid who has been claiming he loved her for all this time has used and dumped her on a whim. I want to smack him around some, then smack him some more for good measure. Why are these things way worse when they happen to your kids than when they happened to you??

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Wed, 07-06-2011 - 9:37am
This is a great place to vent. But I'd request that you please not lump all boys into this category - if that had happened to my ds a year ago he would've been in the same state your dd is in (I also knew girls like your dd's bf so it's not exclusively a gender thing!) Maybe he's overwhelmed; maybe that is all he wanted. You'll probably never know. Just be a shoulder and try to distract your dd with things to do, etc. - don't bring him up or tell her to move on; let her take the time to process it on her own but be there to listen (not provide advice; they often don't want it). Hugs.

Sue
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 07-06-2011 - 11:07am

I do feel sorry for your Dd--this obviously isn't what she wanted to happen.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Wed, 07-06-2011 - 11:24am

There are times to pussyfoot around knowing things our kids have done, but when those things are dangerous to their emotional and physical health, then you need to take the bull by the horns.

Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Wed, 07-06-2011 - 12:10pm

My dd's fiance dumped her in May. (Know anyone interested in a gorgeous wedding gown

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2009
Wed, 07-06-2011 - 12:25pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Wed, 07-06-2011 - 12:40pm

Aww so sorry to hear this. I don't blame you for wanting to wring the guy's neck. Who knows why he did what he did - perhaps that's all he wanted all along, perhaps they just got carried away - you'll never know. But like Sue said - please don't lump all guys into that category. There are plenty of girls out there that are pretty 'free and easy' with their physical affection, too. I'm with the others that say just be there for her when and if she's ready to talk. Although I agree with sabr in that if she's not on BC she needs to get on it and also she should probably get tested for STD's. Once kids become SA they typically don't just stop. Kind of tough to arrange when you aren't supposed to know what't happened, though. Hang in there and keep us posted.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2008
Wed, 07-06-2011 - 1:08pm

Once kids become SA they typically don't just stop.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 07-06-2011 - 3:21pm

I have known my DD's best friend since kindergarten and I'm also friends w/ the girl's mother.

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