need to vent AGAIN

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
need to vent AGAIN
6
Fri, 04-14-2006 - 5:37pm
My daughter's boyfriend told my daughter he would come to see her today cuz she is getting ready to go away for aweek for a school thing. Instead of coming he slept til noon, then got up and played his play station til time to go to work which he was late for again. My daughter told him it was ok he just lost track of time, she understood but I could see the pain in her eyes. Then he told her to come to his work place so he could see her before he left and even though she is with a friend in from college for the weekend she had to go to his work. I just wanted to grab her and shake some sense into her. Instead I am venting here. What she sees in this guy is way beyond me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 04-16-2006 - 5:59pm
I feel for you! He is an inconsiderate ass, and it's awful to see her hanging on to him like that. I hope she sees the truth and dumps him soon! More importantly, I hope she can boost her OWN self esteem so that she demands future partners who treat her better. I have no advice, but big hugs for you...keep us posted on this one! My oldest daughter is just 13, and I sometimes worry about what kinds of dating issues I may have to face with her!
Avatar for jupiterfit
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Sun, 04-16-2006 - 7:33pm
The singer Pink said in her interview with Oprah on the Stupid Girls episode, "Anyone that makes you small so they can be big... causes you to lose the essence of yourself." This episode prompted me to a have talk with my two teens about being respectful of others... especially boys respecting girls. There is such a lack of repect in our society and any girl who has even slightly low self-esteem issues can easily be prey for these scummy guys who think they can bend and shape the girl... use and abuse. It really bothers me. Just keep trying to point out that she is smart, beautiful, and talented. Help her feel good about herself. I know it's hard to convince someone who has a boyfriend making her feel the opposite. I will pray for your DD and hope you will say a prayer for my DD too. Why they stay with these abusers is beyond me, but they have to realize it for themselves.
Deb
Debbie
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2006
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 11:28am

i'm not sure how old your dd is, but this is what i see in my childrens (3) lives: a lot of kids hang on to a boyfriend/girlfriend because they are frightened to NOT have one at all. As do most teens, she probably lacks self esteem or confidence and is secretly thinking "at least I have someone".
I really believe this is somewhat 'normal' behavior from your dd.
When it becomes a problem is if they're like this in adulthood - hanging on to bad men because they think that is all there is, or all they should be allowed to have.

Odds are with you - as she matures, they'll split, and she'll move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 12:13pm

My DD is always bending over backward to do what her b/f wants he comes home. However, he rarely goes out of his way to be with her. This weekend she had a ball tournament and it was very important to her that he see her play. She loves this sport and it's her senior year - not much time left to play. He refused to go b/c he thinks softball is slow. She was very hurt and let him know.

On Sunday, his family had an Easter gathering and he wanted her to go. Our family also had a gathering. We told her that she could do whatever she felt was right. She choose to go to her family gathering. He was upset since she was gone most of the weekend playing ball - he wouldn't see her much while he was home. She informed him that if wasn't willing to make sacrifices for her she wouldn't make them for him. I'm not sure how he took it.

I was very very proud of her, especially considering she really doesn't like the whole family reunion thing. She's growing and maturing. I just wish she would go ahead and get there!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2006
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 2:40pm
patience, guys, patience. They'll all get there. LOTS of bumps and tears along the way. We guide them, but inevitable they make their own choices and that's a GOOD thing. They need to make bad mistakes to grow into better people.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 8:59pm

Reading this thread, I have to count my blessings with my DD.