Need to vent--bad situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2008
Need to vent--bad situation
Fri, 02-18-2011 - 8:29pm
Hi. I know this is the parents of teens board but not sure where to oldest is 20 (other kids ages 11 and much easier! LOL) He's been joined at the hip with his GF for the last year and a half. They even go to the same college.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-18-2011 - 9:29pm

I'm not an expert but I suspect you are stuck on paying for any part of the lease she does not pay.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 02-18-2011 - 10:32pm

As I was reading this, before you said it, I also thought it sounded more like bipolar than depression.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2010
Sat, 02-19-2011 - 1:00am

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. What a mess. I know you feel bad for her but she's not your problem. Focus on your son and getting out of this situation. Find another person to live there if possible. Make sure the landlord knows that you will not continue the lease after it expires and find out if you can break it early.

Since you have her stuff and her car, I would say give her fair warning that she better find a way to remove it by a certain date or and if she doesn't you will sell or donate all of her belongings. Tell her that. Some of what you make can go toward the rent.

Love, Sunshine Dedicated to living my new life with integrity, truth and positive thoughts! I am worthy of true love and definitely worth the wait!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sat, 02-19-2011 - 9:48am

Wow - I've BTDT on most of these issues. Son in a relationship with a girl that was bi-polar, co-signing on a lease for a couple kids to play house (although I fought dh on that one - he did it anyway), and having a son's gf live with us for awhile because 'she didn't have anywhere else to go'. I don't think there's a lot to do about the lease unless you can find someone else to sub-let the apartment as the 3rd room mate. Unfortunately most college towns do require a parent/adult co-signature because many college kids aren't paying for the lease. You can try talking to the landlord to see about breaking the lease.

I think as others have said - it might be best to cut your losses. Hopefully after all this your ds will NOT go back to this girl when she's in her next 'happy' mood. As musiclover said, while it's possible for people to live normal lives with bipolar it's very, very difficult and often the significant other has to take a very active role in the meds/therapy/etc. because the person with the disorder doesn't quite get that there's anything wrong. At least that was our experience with DS's ex. I'd load her stuff up in her car and arrange to get the car driven back to her (if you have a key). Otherwise give her a time as to when she has to pick it up or let her know it will be towed and then follow through. Hopefully you've learned some lessons through this, as I did a long the way. Looking back - she probably had other options as to places to stay on breaks. I'm sure there were relatives and friends in the area - you mentioned an aunt. Nothing you can do about it now but file it away for future reference.

I'm not quite clear as to whether your ds is still going to school as well as working somewhere near campus? Or is he working full time? Does he have friends in the campus town that he could stay with sometimes to help cut down on the commute? Did you sign a year lease all the way to next December or was it just for this semester?

Hang in there and feel free to come here to vent any time!