Need your input!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
Need your input!
7
Mon, 09-04-2006 - 9:08pm

My dd (13) met a boy while playing sports last week. They spent the next 2 days in the park playing sports together and the boy (14) was quite attentive and polite. DD then took the boy's # and called him to come out again and play the next day, Boy said he was unavailable when she called, but then called her the next day and asked her to a movie. They went and had a nice time. (Nothing happened...not even hand holding)... After the movie they parted and he called to tell her that he'd call her Monday (today). He did, and they hung out again today.

Here's the issue: He said he'd call her tonight and did not. Now, we know he is closely supervised at home AND is starting a new school tomorrow, but dd is somewhat confused that he did not call and wants my advice. In my personal life I was always rather asssertive and straightforward, but I do not wish to advise her incorrectly. She asked me if it would be inappropriate to call him tomorrow and ask how his day at school went. I think this would be ok. What do you think? I would be interested in hearing the opinions of moms of sons and daughters...

Also: DD wants to know "how to tell whether the boy likes me as a girlfriend or just a friend". I have no idea how to answer these questions.

It's worth mentioning that DD goes to a school where EVERY girl is BOY CRAZY! She, on the other hand, is not, but I think she'd like to be part of the crowd. Any advice, ideas, thoughts? THANKS!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Mon, 09-04-2006 - 10:43pm

How wonderful that your dd confides in you this way! I think my dd14 has been calling boys for a while, and frankly never asked for my input in that regard. If she had, I would have told her that in today's age, it is perfectly fine for a girl to call a boy. As long as she is not always the one calling, that is! What concerns me the most if that your dd13 has been on a "one on one" date with this boy, and I think she's far too young for that kind of thing IMHO. Around here, the kids go out in groups and don't do the "one on one" thing until at least 16 (might have something to do with the driver's license thing...).

Good luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 12:08am

Personally, I think it would be fine for her to call him; however, my cousin would say no way does a girl call a guy - not ever unless they are officially dating and then only if it's an emergency. I think you have to do whatever you and your DD are comfortable with. If it were my DD, at 13, she wouldn't have told me as much as your DD has told you - I would wind up hearing all this from her friends so you are doing a good job. Just trust your instincts.

I would say that if a 14 y/o boy invites a girl to a movie just the two of them it's more than just friendship b/c a guy just normally doesn't do that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2006
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 2:12am
It would be completely okay for your daughter to call the boy tomorrow and ask how his day was. I think it's so important that girls realize the phone rings both ways!
A pp mentioned that in her area teenagers don;t date one on one until at least sixteen; where I live, it's not uncommon for kids to have their parents drop them off for a movie on a one on one "date" in middle school. I'd be especially unconcerned given how much your daughter confides in you and respects your opinion! You're very lucky.
Fourteen year old boys are so hard to figure out, that boy probably doesnt even know if he likes your daughter himself. I'd advise her to continue to get to know him and then see how things turn out. If nothing else, she'll gain a friend.
Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 9:59am
I don't see anything wrong with your dd calling the boy at some point to see how he's doing.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2006
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 11:21am
I think it's refreshing that someone actually just wants to make a call. I would caution your daughter about instant messages, text messages and postings on sites like myspace -- they think everything is personal, but they are forwarded and distributed everywhere and often totally inappropriate. It gets a little more dicey in high school, especially with facebook.com.
But the more things change the more they stay the same -- we all want to prevent any heartache or angst, but the kids just have to experience these relationships like we did and do. Good luck to both of you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 11:44am

I wish my DD had the courage to just call some of her 'male' friends! There was a time over the summer that she was bored, wanted to see a movie, just do SOMETHING. She called a couple girls, but they were busy or not home, so I suggested she call K, a boy from youth group that she has known for 3-4 years to see if he was available.

I think she wanted to but was afraid that he would think she was interested in him in something other than as a friend. I don't know how he could think that, but I guess she did and didn't want to be in that position. Oh well.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2006
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 3:13pm
It's wonderful the way your daughter communicates with you (mine is the same way) and I would have thought that there is nothing wrong with her calling him the next day to see how his first day of school was.

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