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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2005
New To the Board
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Sun, 06-03-2007 - 9:24pm
Hi,
I'm new to the board and glad I found it! I have a 14 1/2 year old son and I am so confused and need some advice. A situation came up tonight that was a bit distressing to say the least. My son got a call at 8:30 tonight inviting him to a sleepover (school tomorrow) with a group of kids from school. The kid who is having the sleepover,his mother I don't know at all but to say hello to since our kids play on the same basketball team. This was apparently a last minute thing. I really don't know the kid very well either but it seems he is allowed way more freedom than I would ever give my son. His parents are divorced and this kid is home by himself after school and kids are over all the time while the mother is still at work. It just wreaks of trouble. Maybe I am overprotective but I keep wondering why would the mother even allow a sleepover last minute like this on a school night. I wouldn't let him go. Anyone?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
In reply to: njmom59
Sun, 06-03-2007 - 10:06pm
Hi, and welcome to the board! I agree with you 100%. I have a DS who is 13 and a DD who is 15, and no way would I agree to a last-minute sleepover on a school night with a family I didn't know and who I had qualms about. Trust your gut! (I wouldn't agree to any sleepover on a school night, actually.)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2005
In reply to: njmom59
Sun, 06-03-2007 - 10:16pm
Thanks for the reply ejteach2007. Yes, you have to trust your gut. My son is so angry at me (and my husband) about this. These kids seem to fly by the seat of their pants all the time. They never make any advance plans so when something like this comes up it makes it even worse. I didn't realize how hard it would be having a teen especially knowing how much freedom to give them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
In reply to: njmom59
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 7:41am

"I didn't realize how hard it would be having a teen especially knowing how much freedom to give them."


Welcome to the board!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: njmom59
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 9:01am

Welcome

I wouldnt allow a sleepover on a school night

I probably would have agreed if it was a weekend night with a kid on my son's basketball team.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
In reply to: njmom59
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 9:25am
Hi and welcome to the board!
Pam
Avatar for weberdns0
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
In reply to: njmom59
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 9:43am
No sleepovers on school nights here...in fact none during the weekdays in the summer as my dh has to go to work and needs his sleep.
Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
In reply to: njmom59
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 10:37am

No sleepovers here on a school night!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: njmom59
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 11:19am

Well I guess we are all in agreement that there are no sleepovers on school nights. My 11 yo DS has to get up around 7:00 and I can hardly get him up w/o anybody sleeping over. The high school kids have to get the bus at 6:50.

It's hard when they are in high school because you don't get to know the parents as much. It's not like when they are little and you take them to the play ground and sit there and chat w/ the other mom while the kids are on the swings. Unless they are in your neighborhood, church or some group where you can spend time w/ them, it's usually just saying hi at the door. And you can't tell just by appearance, either. I know my DSD's friend had a really overprotective mother who just seemed not to want to let her DD come over our house, even when both DH & I were home and even after I had introduced myself to her at a soccer game. Like, how were we going to pass inspection? I supposed if she had seen DH's tattoos, she really would have freaked! lol He doesn't even have his long hair or earrings any more, since I finally convinced him that after 50, the aging hippie look really doesn't cut it.

As far as being home alone after school, the mom might not have any choice. I was divorced w/ 2 kids and it was easier w/ the younger one, who had daycare, then an all day kindergarten and after school programs at school. I did have DD in after school even in middle school. But by the time you get to high school when they are too old for after school and too young for work, it gets kind of difficult. I know that my DD was home alone a lot when she was about 13 in the summer just because there were no opportunities for her to do other stuff (and I couldn't afford sleep over camp). She often had friends over because I actually would prefer her not being home alone, but it was more like one friend at a time, not a big group. They never did anything wrong either. But it depends on the child's personality and how much you can trust them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
In reply to: njmom59
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 11:51am
ABSOLUTELY go with your Gut. My little lovelies are 17, 15 & 14 and they are not allowed a sleepover on ANY school night. Tell your child that the friend can sleep at your house on the weekend, that way you can get to know the child and hopefully the mom. good luck
Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
In reply to: njmom59
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 12:24pm
I go so far as no sleepovers except Fridays during the school year, because they tend to stay up really late, and with ds needing sleep or he's crabby and then unwilling to do homework justice, it's Friday or not at all, til summer.

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