New to board. Freshman failing!!!
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| Tue, 01-30-2007 - 3:19pm |
I'm at my wits end. I know I've seen other posts here when I scanned through that are similar, but I'm just venting and if you have words of wisdom....great!
Cory is 14. He's a freshman on a campus housing 9 - 12 grades. Ever since sixth grade we've struggled to get him to bring home decent grades. Sixth grade was his first year in a public school, but we saw him start to slip even before we left the private catholic school. He's been diagnosed with ADD and definitely has a huge issue with getting work done. MOstly homework. Most of the time he just doesn't even do it. We've had issues with him having it done (in the past) but it just not getting turned in. Lately though, it's the not doing it at all that is a huge issue. Especially in english. I can't figure out WHY he has no CARE about school or grades.
Before school started this year we moved from one school district to another. He was really looking forward to the move. He thought it would be a fresh start. And that maybe it would motivate him to do better. Obviously NOT.
Here are his grades as of this past week (exams were last week)...
English D
Woodworking

Hi Sydney and welcome to the board.
Hi, Sydney, welcome. I know how frustrating this can be. Have you had Cory tested for any learning disabilities (over and above his ADD)? So many times our smart kiddos can keep up thru the lower grades and the LD only begins to manifest itself when the classes get harder. My own son is ADD and has dyslexia, although we knew at an early age of his LD.
Does Cory have any behavior modifications and/or meds at home to help him deal with his ADD? Also, there is a difference in a 504 and an IEP. My understanding of it (and I *know* there are other moms here that are *much* better versed in this than I) is a 504 is basically a suggestion for teachers on how to help a child. An IEP *requires* certain modifications be carried out--anything from, say, allowing a child to stand up on occasion rather than requiring him to sit at all times, to shortened tests and homework. It will take some doing on your part to see if he qualifies for an IEP. I mean, they don't hand those things out to just anybody! :)
Here in Texas, if a child fails any class for the 6 week period, then that child is not allowed to participate in ANY extracurricular activities sponsered by the school. Do they not do that where you are?
I worry that Cory may feel like he *can't* get good grades, so why try? I know my ds would literally sob and tell me he was stupid and he would never be able to read. Oh, my, the nights we spent crying together. He was only 8, but his self-esteem was in the toilet. A teenager may not cry out loud and tell you those things, but he may be thinking them. It is much easier for a teen to ACT like he doesn't care about his grades, when deep down, he really *does* care, but he doesn't want to appear stupid--kwim?
By all means, talk to the school couselor if you have a good one. Check and see if the couselor is for just college prep or if there is one that is good for more personal things. Better yet, see if you can get Cory to talk to him/her also.
My freshman has severe Lds and had a diagnosis of ADD back in 4th grade(he has had a few others too-its not an exact science). We did meds for awhile but I didnt feel it helped his grades enough to deal with the depressed appetite during puberty
Anyway, point being, LDs and ADD very often go together. I forget the stats but they are knock your socks off stuff!
Definitely dont take away the wrestling-it might be what is keeping him together and it gives him something to work for. I assume there is some point(F?) where he will lose eligibility. Also, exercise is a biggie for ADHDers-helps them focus.
Request testing in writing ASAP-they have to comply with that request so do not let them talk you out of it. They do have a reasonable time frame(perhaps 60 school days???I forget)so dont expect immediate attention but dont let them off the hook either
DS has had am IEP/IFSP since 20 mos of age but I dont know much about the 504. I have to remind his teachers about the IEP every fall but they are pretty positive-it seems to be lack of communication more than lack of caring, KWIM?
I would search for lists of IEP accomodations and see what might work for him
Heres one but I know Ive seen others:
http://www.coping.org/specialed/accomform.htm
I added a word bank for my son this year and it was no big deal. Many of his teacher already had one in place for other IEP kiddos so they simply started handing him one. It makes a huge difference as his word recall is horrible
Also, think about your expectations. I know this is hard. DS came home with Ds and Fs on his final exams(one C)because, even if he learns it, its hard for him to remember it
I was very suspicious of the As and Bs he got in middle school. I felt they were more rewards for effort and good behavior-the teachers insisted otherwise-I figured this year would tell and it has. We would love to see all Cs but expect a few Ds as well. Repeating the As and Bs of middle school is unlikely although he DID get an A in PE which has to be for cooperating as he is not athletic or strong
Be careful you dont set you sights too high. He may be bright as they come but if he has ADD and perhaps a LD, it will impact his grades.
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From your discription of Cory, I think depression may be a factor. Our DS17 was a stay-at-home kid in 7-8-9th grades, after his best friend found others who shared more of the same interests. DS is shy, and I think he was afraid of being rejected if he'd call a friend to get together--so he just sat home and waited for someone to call him. At the time I thought of taking him to a psychologist and, in retrospect, I wish I had. He still does not often call friends to initiate get-togethers, but he has been more social the past three years.
A community-based therapist,rather than one in the schools, is more likely to evaluate the whole person, for both LDs and emotional disorders. The school psychologists are there more to ID students who need 504s; and the counselors I've encountered, seem less knowledgeable about personality disorders and depression than the community-based therapists. But it wouldn't hurt to have him talk to a school counselor, too. I'm sure there ARE some excellent ones, and you could be lucky and have one in your school. Just let your son know that he's not a psycho--that you just want to get a professional's opinion as to what could help him improve his grades and feel like he is successful.
The snowboarding vs. wrestling decision isn't an easy one. If he's most successful at snowboarding, that's good for him. OTOH, wrestling is a team sport and it forces him to socialize. You make it sound like Cory's coach encourages him, and I think that's another reason it would be good for him to stick with wrestling. (Cory may feel accepted by his coach, but rejected by his teachers because of his poor grades.)
It hurts us to see our kids achieving much less than they are capable of. Best of luck.
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I went through a similar thing about grades with DD when she was 15. I literally called each teacher on Fri and if she failed to turn in work or got a low grade on it, she wasn't allowed out with friends that weekend until the work was done to my satisfaction. I didn't care if the teacher accepted the late work or not. I made it very clear to my DD that this was about learning the material. She is a social butterfly so it didn't take long for her to learn to care about her work. She is also ADD and we made a med change that year as well that had a huge impact.
Since your son's only interest seems to be the computer, I would tell him no computer during the week unless his last week's assignments were completed to my satisfaction. Then call each teacher on Fri to see how the week went. This way you are giving him the control over his computer time. Grounding DD wouldn't have made a difference but putting her charge made a huge difference. If she started to get mad at me b/c she couldn't go out, I simply responded well you knew that if you didn't turn in this assignment you would have to do it this weekend before you were allowed to go out. Making the consequences directly related to doing the work helped DD. If she finished all the missing work on Fri afternoon, then she could out on Fri night but usually it was too much to finish on Fri afternoon so she was stuck at home on Fri night doing homework so she could go out on Sat.
I would definitely see about getting him to a counselor for a possible med evaluation. He may need anti-depressants or an ADD med change. Good Luck!
Here in California, you must carry a 2.0 GPA or better or you may not participate in school sports.