new boyfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2006
new boyfriend
11
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 11:50am
I am new to this board and am looking for Moms with similar experiences. My 16 year old sophomore daughter (1st child of two) has started a relationship with a junior that seems to be built on their mutual attraction only. This is really only her 3rd "boyfriend" and all they are interested in doing is kissing and making out. We have met this boy and he seems overly "charming" to us-lots of "ma'ams" and "sirs" that don't seem genuine, and our daughter admits that he is trying to impress us. Anyway, when they are at our house their activity of choice is watching movies and snuggling, and they have wanted to go to the movies and the mall. He treats her very much like an object in my opinion-calling her "my girlfriend" and patting her on the head, ALWAYS touching her in some way, calling every night for lenghthy chats, IM, etc. so I have just not felt really great about this relationship (they have no classes together and are not involved in the same activities at all) from the start. Yesterday I noticed that my daughter has a hickey on her neck and I just about fell over. (I should mention here that I am somewhat conservative.) Seeing that just confirmed to me that he views her as an object, and not a young woman. Am I over-reacting? My daughter feels I am-she doesn't think this is a big deal, though she did admit that she was surprised their making out resulted in the hickey. And she says her boyfriend is sorry-but only because he found out I was unhappy about it. My daughter and I generally have a good relationship but this has seemed to drive a wedge between us-she has made it very clear that she doesn't agree with my views about this. I am afraid if I criticize this boy too much it will drive her closer. She has never given me any reason to not trust her, but I feel in my gut that this boy is not one I'd really like her to spend time with. Does anyone have any suggestions or thoughts about this? Anyone with similar situations that went okay or turned out badly? Thanks so much!

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Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 10:09am

Oh I've been a mess the entire time. Ok maybe slight exaggeration...or not =D

DD's best friend and her boyfriend started dating about 3 weeks after dd and her bf. They broke up 2 weeks ago and shortly thereafter dd had a dream that her relationship ended as well. Her best friend went into meltdown, the world is ending mode with the break up. After the dream, dd was seriously moping around this house like they HAD in fact broken up and the world was ending. If she reacted this badly to her bestfriends breakup and a dream - what in the world is going to happen when it really ends? She finally snapped out of it this past weekend when SHE tried to break up with him over it (and their schedules).... yes she has put this poor guy through the ringer....

I will give her credit that she realistically knows it's next to impossible for this to last forever, but still the moment is very real.




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