New dad seeking advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2007
New dad seeking advice
2
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 9:30pm

I have a two year old and was curious as to questions regarding eventually raising him as a teenager. If any teen parents would like to respond, it would be greatly appreciated!

What types of disputes do you experience with your teen(s)?

What coping mechanisms do you use to deal with these disputes?

What are your feelings about your teen getting into steady romantic relationships?

What guidelines or rules will you or have you established?

What are your feelings about the friends of your teens? Do you have guidelines or expectancies that you share with your teen regarding their friends?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2005
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 8:34am

Hi!


My first reaction to your post was " boy, you've got a long time before you have to worry about all of that!" But then I stopped and remembered just how fast time went - seems like dd went from 0 to 16 in a blink of an eye.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 10:14am

First of all I have two teens..a girl of 19 and a boy of 17. No, I should rephrase that. My daughter is a young woman of 19 and my son, a young man of 17.

What types of disputes do you experience with your teen(s)? We have had no real problems with curfews, going places we don't approve of, gross inappropriate behavior.. Our main problems have to do with being too driven (both are perfectionists). My 19 year old would forget to call us sometimes but a "hey, why didn't you call" or a call to where she was would be all that was required. She would call back and apologize. It didn't happen that much. She was very good at telling us where she was going, with whom and at what time the event was over. Since we use to carpool with the parents of her best buddies, curfews were not a problem. When she is home now, she mostly studies, sleep and eat. Her friends come here to see her. My 17 is a home buddy. He rarely goes out and his friends are the same. They (all boys) periodically get together, taking turns at being the host, to work on their joint projects. We are talking nerds with a capital N.

What coping mechanisms do you use to deal with these disputes? We talk and we listen.

What are your feelings about your teen getting into steady romantic relationships?
It's normal and part of life. I trust her in her choice of male friends and boy friends.
And I have meet all of them (mostly male friends than b/f). They are all very academic like she is.

What guidelines or rules will you or have you established? Guideline? Rules? DD has automatically used her common sense. In many ways, she is more conservative than I am. We brought they up to know that they, and they alone, are responsible for their future. So, don't do anything rash.

Be protective of yourself because that person will ALWAYS be a part of you. The main advice we gave them is don't think of getting serious with anyone until you are able to support yourself financially. There is a big world out there; lots of places to see. And the person you may be attracted to at 17 or 20 will not be the same person you will be attracted to at 30. I also have told both of them not to be fooled by a pretty package. Look for traits like empathy, honestly, intelligence and kindness.
So far, it has worked.

What are your feelings about the friends of your teens? Do you have guidelines or expectancies that you share with your teen regarding their friends? You can not dictate who your kids friends are. You can only advise them. Friends serve a purpose in our lives. We pick our friends for a reason. So, the trick is to try to bring up your kids so that they chose wisely. So far, I have had only minor qualms about both kids' friends.
They are all basically good kids.