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| Mon, 01-22-2007 - 2:21pm |
OMG....this is awesome........our work put a filter on our internet, and mysteriously, today (after months...maybe close to a year) I am looking at the parents of teens forum....I am SOOOO excited................bear with me........I'm talkative!!!
We got around 5 inches of WET, SLICK snow Saturday night. My 16 yr old son was at an away basketball game, and did not return until around 11 pm. I text messaged him around 8:30 or 9 telling him NOT TO DRIVE the truck home, that it was slick and we'd leave the truck parked and my husband (his dad) would come pick him up. Lo and behold......he drove home..........he's only been 16 since October, and has NEVER driven in any bad weather. We were so SO angry....
We grounded him for a week, with an exception......the Winter Sports Dance is Saturday the 27th, and he'd already asked if he could go. We told him he was still allowed to go to the dance, BUT with severe restrictions.....no extended curfew (he has an early curfew due to not managing to make it home on time before he turned 16---so his curfew remains at 11), NO DRIVING, and we told him it was up in the air (undecided) if he could go to dinner with friends/date or if it was the dance only. We also told him it was undecided if anyone else could pick him up, or if it was back to pre-driving, and mom and dad chauffered...............
What do you all think? To hard on him? He's done some other things that have caused a breach in trust.............this was only a month ago.........so we've been sort of hard on him of late..
He 'claims' as manager of the team (he didn't make basketball :( that he had to put things away, and when he got out of the locker room everyone was already gone.....his phone had died (which was true....) and he didn't know what else to do, so he drove home. We told him that with maturity comes some forthought into life........he knew his phone was 'dying', because during one of our texts he told me that.......so my feeling is he should have checked his phone prior to leaving the locker room (and having the use of a phone in there).....he knew the phone was dying....or he could have parked his rear in the truck and waited for his dad to show up...we knew the phone was dying too, and my husband had headed to the school to wait on the bus (we didn't know it had arrived already), and saw him driving home......
Anyway, we are trying to instill the fact that he could have handled the situation a little differently..........and not put his life, the lives of others and the property of others on the line because 'he didn't know what else to do'.
What do you all think?
I'm SO glad to be back..........I don't know if anyone that posted way back when I did is still here or not............
Shels

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Yes, still here, and I do remember you from about a year back.
Just one week (and being able to go the dance)........it isn't as if he did something horrible, but he blatently disobeyed what I told him, and did it with weather being so unsafe........
I finally sat him down last night and told him to get the thoughts of 'mom and dad are doing this to ME" out of his head. That once he wraps the fact that HE did this, not us, he'll get it more quickly, and between this and last months incident, he can dig himself out of restriction hell much quicker if he truly TRULY wraps his mind around the fact that his choices did this, not because we are crummy parents.
I saw a glimmer of understanding in those beautiful blue eyes of his.........hope it stuck!!
Im confused-did he get the message or was his phone dead when you sent it? Was he told at a prior date that he was not to drive home if there was snow on the ground?
Im reading that his cell was dead so am not grasping how we was supposed to know to wait for dad OR, if he had the message already, what does the dead cell have to do with the incident?
And,yes, I remember you-welcome back!
I worried that my ramblings may not make sense.
Earlier Sat evening, we were texting one another---Yes...I told him DO NOT DRIVE HOME....IT IS SLICK....DAD WILL GET YOU.........he responded that he wouldn't drive, that he'd call when the bus got back into town. In another text a while later he said his phone was dying, and he was turning the phone off (I guess to save what battery was left). When it came time to call us---he SAYS his phone was dead, and by that time everyone was gone (as the manager, he was putting stuff away, and told the coach he had a phone and a ride). Instead of checking his phone battery BEFORE he left the locker room, he claims he was outside, everyone was gone, and he didn't know what else to do but drive home.........
My suspicion is that he chatted w/ friends til everyone was gone....he went to his own vehicle to put his stuff in and call and wait for dad, THEN realized his phone was dead and proceeded to drive (he's been wanting to drive in show each time we've gotten weather here). He was told specifically NOT to drive. I dont' think he pre-planned driving....I think he found himself in a predicament, and rather than think it through, or think what would be the BEST way to handle it, he just took the opportunity to drive, thinking he had a good 'reason'to.....
I don't think he was being malicious.....or hateful.......just that he was not real responsible in deciding what would be the best way to deal with that situation. I'd be real surprised to think EVERYONE at all had left........surely there was someone around..... but who knows.
First of all - WELCOME BACK!!
Oh, I've missed you too! I have a computer at home, but my boys monopolize it, and I'm busy enough, I just don't get on to it at home. I am changing that policy, though. I enjoy this board so very much, and met (cyber-met, that is) some really REALLY nice people. I 'cheated' and posted throughout the day, and then the filter went up at work, and I just got out of the habit. I saw this listed on my favorites list at work and clicked and it came up!!! woo hoo!!
My DS16 remains to be my 'problem' child. He isn't a problem....he's overall a good kid, but the sense of entitlement, and the selfishness are front and center. I thought maybe when he drove, he'd see how tough things can be, and make better, more adult decisions........NOT.....he now feels entitled to go wherever he wants, whenever he wants and just drive to his little hearts' content.........he's had quite the SHOCK....
As far as the coach...I wonder about that too......I thought it was a policy that they didn't leave til everyone left. If my son decided to drive, maybe the coach thought all was well. Maybe since the weather was rough, he needed to head home himself.....who knows....all I know is my barely 16 yr old baby was in a many thousand pound MISSLE in 6 inches of wet slick snow...........arrgghhh.
My baby is now 13 1/2 and has a real cute girlfriend...............that's a shocker---my sweetie with a girl.......she came and spent time with our family on Saturday, so that was quite nice..........he's the polar opposite of my oldest...............I hate to compare them......they are each wonderful people........just very different people.
Lots and lots and LOTS has happened in a year.............I'm anxious to catch up with you all.
Shels
Welcome back Shels! I do remember your nick, although I probably wasn't posting much back then...
Anyway...that sounds *just* like something one of my boys would (or will) do! I think your suspicion is probably right on. Because he couldn't call...his phone was dead...he couldn't call when the bus got in, then OF COURSE he had to drive home! Oh, I can't tell you how much that sounds like mine. LOL
I don't think you are being over the top with the grounding, especially since he can still go to the dance. One week is not going to kill him (although he make think it will!) and my guess is deep down he knew he wouldn't get away with it, but it was worth a shot, ya know? ;)
I don't know if our coaches stay with our kids until the last one leaves. I'm not sure they do. Don't get me wrong, they might. I've just never been up there until the last kid is gone. I usually check with the ones still hanging out (cos my kid is always the last one out of the locker room!) to make sure they don't need a ride, but then I take off. Out of curiosity, how far did your ds have to drive home? We only live about 4 blocks from the field house, so mine wouldn't have had to drive far. But still...
Seriously, only 2 miles, but we live in an extremely hilly town, and the truck he drives is a stick shift AND it's a pickup with no weight in the back. He doesn't even drive much in the rain, because we need to have the winshield wipers worked on...........it is just the whole idea he thought it was ok.....as well as possibly a fib thrown in here and there.............
Had he not screwed up royally last month (that situation is DAYS worth of posting....but consists of lots of lying, covering up and denting the truck...which belongs to my dad.....not us.............). I'd explain it all, but there is no way without days.....complicated and long....but anyway, had he not screwed up so badly then, we may have allowed a little (not much) for not thinking (or whatever).....
I am so glad to be talking to you guys again.
My grandmother passed on 1-3-07. I feel really sad about it today, so hearing back from you all has boosted my day. How lucky am I to be almost 41 and to have my grandparents.....my paternal grandmother passed, and now I have both my maternal grandparents remaining. My children are so very VERY lucky to have had Grandma Winnie in their lives. 13 and 16 with their great grandmother. How awesome.
Can't wait to read all the recent posts to see what all has been happening!
Jules--I looked at your Thanksgiving photos............I'm envious of the sunny skies!!
Shels
Hey Shels ... I've missed you too. Welcome back! You've gotten plenty of advice already, just wanted to say 'hi'.
Still sunny here, although last week is was FREEZING! Literally ... frozen birdbaths and everything.
Looking forward to catching up with you again. Wow -- T driving already? C won't even be able to get her permit until May. Not that I am in any hurry for that.
See you around!
Julie
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