New here....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2012
New here....
Mon, 01-02-2012 - 9:30am

Hi everyone,

I have a 14 year old daughter and I just found out she had started her period and didn't tell us.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 8:47am

isn't the worst thing.

Avatar for cmlisab
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011
Tue, 01-03-2012 - 11:15am

I only have boys but I did want to add my "welcome!". Glad you found us!


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Mon, 01-02-2012 - 11:28pm

We have two DDs that are fourteen months apart, now late 18 and 19, and two SILs same ages.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 01-02-2012 - 10:11pm
racheln615 wrote:
I noticed a big change in her half way into the first year in middle school.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Mon, 01-02-2012 - 6:50pm

Well, you do have an alien living in your house! But don't assume your relationship is messed up because of it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-1999
Mon, 01-02-2012 - 5:31pm
My dd is 13 and did not tell me when her period started either. We talked about it at length and she knew where the supplies were. She told me a few days later, no big deal. I would encourage shopping or some other fun activity. Sometimes that's when she will talk, when we are away from the house doing things.
Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Mon, 01-02-2012 - 5:02pm

If her middle school started with 6th grade, or 11yo, that's a little early to pull away from the family. Especially with such a definitive change, that you practically put your finger on the date, there's a possibility that she was affected by some issue that caused her withdrawal, and from which she has not recovered. As someone else mentioned, try using some special mother/daughter time to draw her out. If she doesn't open up about anything, or if she doesn't communicate with ANYONE in the family, I'd suggest counseling.

Edited to add: As for your first question, both my daughters told me, AND their dad, when they got theirs.

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Mon, 01-02-2012 - 4:45pm

I don't thnk either of my two told me exactly when they got their periods.

Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Mon, 01-02-2012 - 3:32pm
Welcome!! This is a great board. Sorry, that your dd is being so private but teens can be like that. My dd was off in Europe when she started hers, not good.

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!

Avatar for turtletime
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-1998
Mon, 01-02-2012 - 11:09am

No matter how open and available you are, you can't control how your daughter is going to reacte to this stuff. My own told me but I've hugged plenty of my real life friends who had GREAT relationships with their child and yet, weren't told. It's natural for mom to think "what did I do wrong" but the reality is, you can't predict how a girl will reacte.

My own DD sort of floated away her freshman year in high school (13-14 years old.) It was a difficult time for us. We had been really close and then she was just gone. I would catch myself picking fights with her just to get her to talk... to maybe accidently reveal SOMETHING of what she was feeling or dealing with. Obviously, that didn't work but it was an emotional response that I had to learn to curb. We did start enforcing some family time doing stuff we knew she loved. We did some mother/daughter shopping trips which were not something we'd ever really done before but that she really enjoyed. I let DH take over any discipline issues and let him be the "no" guy. They always had the easier relationship and are especially close and so from him, it was "bummer" .... from me it was "mom's unfair." Things started turning around for us last summer and our relationship is different than it used to be (more grown-up) but good again.

Just giving you big hugs because I know it's really hard.