New here need some advise

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2006
New here need some advise
13
Fri, 10-20-2006 - 11:43am

Hi,

I am a mother to 2 girls. One is 12 the other is 5. Our 12yo is in 7th grade. She is going through all the hormonal and developmental stages right now which we are trying to get use to the mood swings. She does pretty well in school and seems to have a good group of friends.

Our problem with her lately is the fact that my dh and I can not be alone in a room or in the basement without her thinking that we are going to have sex. If my dh hugs me or sits next to me she cops and attitude and is very hard to deal with. She gets so upset to the point of crying. Is this normal behavior for some kids? She was our first so we are still learning about this emotional stuff. I am just not sure how to deal with it and I don't want to say the worng thing and scar her even more. My dh and I were in the basement last night and were talking about a pretty serious subject and come to find out she was listening in on the conversation, worried that we might have sex. Help, I just don't know what to do.

Thanks in advance.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 12:20am
Well I remember going through this myself at about that age. Not sure what my parents thought about it but I know now what it was all about. Hormones are starting to ping, she is becoming sexually aware. In other words she is overly curious to the point of being embarrased to death but can't seem to turn off the switch. So she is listening for the sqeaking bed springs and not wanting to. Thinking about it but hating her thoughts. Really not wanting to grow up but growing up anyway. I only know I grew out of it after a little while. Can't remember my daughter ever going through it that I could notice. I have no idea why some kids do this but I turned out fine and have a normal and healthy attitude towards sex. I do know this, if my mother would have said anything I would have died. If you feel you must say something because she is making you uncomfortable, better to be honest and quick. Such as "People who love each other have sex, so get over it".
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2006
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 9:09am

I am glad to hear from someone that has actually (herself) gone through this. Everything you said makes total sense. I can see the struggle that she is going through. You have brought a lot of things to light. I think some of the problem is when my dh and I do get close on the couch to watch TV, he will say something to her. Like is this OK or sort of dig at her about it. I tell him that that is not a good thing to do. he shouldn't make a big deal out of it and maybe it would not be one to her. Things have been so busy that I have not gotten a chance to get her alone and really talk to her. Maybe tonight when my younger daughter is in be and my dh is at hockey. That will probably be the best time. Thank you all for your advise and support, I really appreciate it.

KT

Avatar for jobismom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 1:35pm

Hi again I had another thought reading thro the posts from others. Eavesdropping is something kids do. Some parents may not think so but the kids do it. They are curious about the world around them and if they can learn something from our conversations they'll try to listen in. My now 15 ds has told me in the past something I thought he knew nothing about and I ask how he knew he said "Im not stupid I can peice together bits and peices of your conversations and figure stuff out" Now that doesnt mean their brains can handle or process things appropriately but they do get more from us than we realize at times.

Best of Luck when talking to your dd I hope you can get to the bottom of her feelings and its nothing more than can be explained and talked thro.

 Terry

Pages