New here: Really need some advice....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2009
New here: Really need some advice....
18
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 10:01am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 1:26pm

hi,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2009
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 1:50pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 2:25pm

<<>>

If I were the ROTC officer, I'd be wondering why you were telling me about YOUR inability to discipline in your home. Unlike what the PP said, I believe that kids have the uncanny ability to figure out who they have to listen to and who they can get away with ignoring.

So it's not ideal, but her not minding you is probably not indicative of how she gets on with other authority figures in her life. Unless you are hearing otherwise, she's probably respecting the ROTC officer just fine, and unless they send out a questionaire for parents to fill out about home life, then I'd just leave it alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2010
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 3:19pm

ET, in the military, it isn't JUST about how you do in your career, but its also about how you do in your family life. If you can't balance one, then you can't balance another and its part of the overall promotion process.

That answer is not true in any way, if it was no SINGLE soldiers would ever get promoted. The military expects you to be on time, do your job, and not get in trouble. They don't care about your family life unless there is abuse and/or neglect, and then they step in.
You can't control your daughter so you sent her away; if that was me it would mean I am not wanted. That the 'new' family is more of a priority.
When you decided to remarry did you sit down as a family (you and your children) and discuss the changes that were about to happen, because in a way you upset the dynamics of the household.
You let your husband make the rules for a child he doesn't interact with, but yet you are the one to enforce them. I don't think its hard to sit down with a teenager and discuss the rules and consequences no they may not like it but at least you present a united front. Why not call a family meeting you, your husband, her father and anyone else involved in her upbringing, that why everyone is on the same page.
Yes she sounds spoiled but yet that's the way you raised her changes will not happen overnight, they take time. Two years to undo a lifetime of upbringing isn't a lot of time in my opinion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2009
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 3:30pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2009
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 3:58pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 4:05pm

<<>>

As the ROTC officer, I'd only be concerned about her following MY rules. I would not want to get involved in your domestic issues.

If she runs away call the police. If she threatens to run away (this is my kid's MO, btw), ignore her but quietly keep an eye on her. If she follows through with her threats, then call the police.

<<>>

Being self-centered is endemic to teens. Ignore the nonsense unless you think that she may have a point. If she has a point then apologize and try harder.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 4:23pm
You may want to check into how involved the military currently gets with an individual member's personal life. I post/debate with a couple of ex-wives of (U.S.) military members from another board, and it seems that the military will only get involved if the member is not meeting their financial obligations (i.e., child support or alimony). They don't seem to care if the member has cheated on their spouse.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2009
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 4:48pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 6:58pm

With something like 80% of military marriages ending in divorce... and cheating is RAMPANT... husband/wife is out of the country on a 7-15 month deployment, the spouse who is left at home gets lonely... My guess the rate of infidelity among the military and their spouses is 10 times the rate for civilian couples of the same age. I was an army wife for 18 years... it is TOUGH!! And much tougher today than it was when I was doing it, and a lot of these kids (often only a year or two out of high school) don't have what it takes to make a go of it. Then add the strain of multiple deployments, and the head cases some of the guys end up being when they come back... The chain of command has a heck of a lot more, bigger problems to deal with than whether Pvt. X is sleeping with Pvt. Y's 18 y/o wife.

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