New posting here--Need advice on teen cutting

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2007
New posting here--Need advice on teen cutting
8
Wed, 11-02-2011 - 2:27pm

Hello,

Yesterday my 15 yr old daughter told me she cuts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2007
Fri, 11-04-2011 - 10:54am

Thank you all for your words of wisdom and support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009

Please understand that I have no qualifications on this subject and should be considered as ignorant on the subject.

I have no experience with cutting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005

Don't beat yourself up. No one knows why your dd started cutting and you absolutely shouldn't blame yourself. That isn't to say that you shouldn't contine to work at your parenting, and I'm impressed that you've immediately made plans to speak to a therapist, but this isn't your fault. I had one child who struggled mightily with many aspects of her life, and one who went through equally serious life issues but dealt very well. Everyone reacts differently! What I have found is that serious life events (in my dd's case these included my brain tumor, her dad's death, her sibling's death, a cross-country move, a divorce... see, that makes your divorce look better already, right? :))

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008

I have to come at this from an entirely different angle because of personal experience. I understand that YOUR history and experience are most likely vastly different than mine.

WHY did your DD tell you she's a cutter? Is she genuinely scaring herself and asking for help? Or...are there so many other things going on in your household with your husband (her dad?) and

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Thu, 11-03-2011 - 10:51am

Please don't beat yourself up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998

Hi Carol, and welcome. First of all, this is not your fault.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000

Hi and welcome to the board. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Talking to a therapist is a good start. Is your dd going to be talking to one, too? I imagine the divorce and move are tough on her and, IMO, that coupled with the cutting make her a good canditate to talk to someone. I agree with Sabr to the extent that you need to take care of yourself and you certainly shouldn't stop having clear expectations of your dd regarding chores, grades, etc. In fact, if anything, your dd probably needs as much routine now as you can give her since so many other parts of her life are falling apart. If she has always had to vacuum the living room, load the dishwasher, whatever - make sure she still does all those things. Your dd is NOT cutting, however, because you give her too many chores, not enough chores, etc. My ds struggled with an eating disorder for several years, which is also an emotional disorder and it's all about control. I suspect your dd is trying to control what she can right now. Hopefully some others with BTDT advice will post here, too.

Pam
Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999

I'm sure you ARE a loving, supportive parent, but one of the reasons your dd is cutting, is because you've made your <>.