Newbie with a Question about son
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| Thu, 01-26-2006 - 7:53am |
I have a 14yo DS who has a girlfriend who is 13yo. They have been together for about 5 mo. now. I am really worried about this relationship. I like the girl and she has a nice family and all but she is totally obsessed with my son. My DS was in a skateboard accident (no helmet) back in Oct. and almost died. He had to be life flighted from the scene to 70 mi. away. He was in a drug induced coma for 18 days on a ventilator and was diagnosed with TBI.(Traumatic Brain Injury) While he was in the hospital, this girlfriend fell "in love" HARD. I think it was all because of the fact that we almost lost DS. She would have her mom bring her to the hospital 2 or 3 times a week even though she couldn't talk to DS or touch him. She would just go in his room, watch him for about 10 min. and then they would head home. I thought it was sweet at the time. Then when we were through with rehab and all of that and got back home, she just started acting like they were married or something. She calls all the time. They webcam and IM daily. She and DS seem to think that they should be together every weekend. She thinks he needs to come to her house or she should be at mine. The last time she was at my house, we were getting ready to leave and I walked into the livingroom where they were and she was sitting in his lap. I thought that was very disrespectful to me and improper behavior for their age. Then when we left and stopped by where I work,(a restaurant) we went in and she sat in my sons lap again right there in front of my boss and his wife. It embarrassed me to no end. So now when she wants to come over, we always go somewhere public but she is still always hanging on him. Even her mom has told me that she has had to talk to her about proper behavior in public because she acts that way when her and DS are with girlfriends parents too. She even called DS the other day asking him about names for their children and she was writing them down. I just don't know what to do about her. I know DS likes her alot but I am so concerned that she is so determined that they are together forever that she will do anything to hang on to him. He has tried to break up with her in the past and she would beg and plead with him to the point that he would go back to her. She has told him on more than one occasion that her parents were middle school sweethearts and have been together ever since and her mom had her when she was 16. I don't want to get all in my DS business but the LAST thing I want now is grandchildren, especially since I would be the one to have to help raise them. I don't know what to do about it. Like I said the little girl is nice and I DO like her and her family but their relationship is like something I would expect 16 and 17 yo to be doing not 13 or 14yo!!!!!!! What can I do to change this situation and have them act appropriately for their age and avoid grandchildren any time soon? I know my DS is loving all of the touchy feely stuff. He is a 14yo boy with raging hormones. He is also the type that needs a building to fall on his head most of the time to get the point and now after his head injuries he is impulsive alot. Sorry this is so long but I needed to give you the full picture of what is going on. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!!

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I am re-living my DD's early teen years listening to you. She fell in love at 14 and they had baby names, wedding plans & a whole future planned by 15. I tried to talk to DD but while she listened, nothing would change her mind about their love. This relationship last until she was almost 18. I finally managed to break it by sending her out of the country for 2 great work experiences where she met other kids her own age. She hated me the first time but made many of the arrangements herself the 2nd time. They broke up when she returned from the last trip. My advice, send DS to camp if they are still together this summer.
He was a nice guy, his family loved DD but they were too young. Now at almost 26, DD is focused on her career, in love but not in any rush to marry soon.
By the way, I was 17 when I fell in love with DH (still am) and we have been married for over 30 yrs. I would never want my kids to take this way as it was too hard to grow when married. I expect our early years while fun would have been a lot easier if I was older (DH is 5 yrs older than I). Dee
Oh my, I went the "excessive PDA" route with my DS & his g/f when they were 17.
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