no drive and no ambition

I totally agree mahopac. There is always an idealized picture of what life "should" be, but you have to deal with life as it is. My DH and I *should* be empty esters now, but instead we have a house full, including an 8 month old baby who causes all of the disruption that any 8 month old will cause. That's life as it is, we can either stew about how it could/should be, or deal with it as it is. Stewiing is a whole lot of wasted energy IMO.
IMHO, part of the problem is this whole my kids vs your kids thing that has been repeatedly brought up. You might not have raised them, but you knew they were part of the bargain when this game started. FWIW, I don't buy the "I didn't give birth to them or raise them so I don't love them the same" stuff either. I have a son who came to us as a 17 yr old juvenile delinquent foster son and he is every bit as much my kid as the ones I gave birth to. Sometimes ya gotta wanna, and I'm not hearing a whole lot of want to here.
Self-talk is an interesting thing... if you tell yourself that something is awful often enough it becomes more awful in your own mind than it really is. A self fulfilling prophecy. I think its time to change the self talk here, it most certainly couldn't hurt.