no drive and no ambition

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
no drive and no ambition
50
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 8:03am

Hello.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Tue, 04-03-2012 - 7:12pm

Dh doesn't believe in counseling, so would never agree to it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 04-03-2012 - 8:44pm
Exactly why do your kids not feel comfortable there? Sometimes it MUST be mostly about one child if his/her needs at that given time are that intense. My two youngest brothers are autistic, one relatively high functioning, the other pretty low functioning. Is it wrong that so much of my parents' lives, and by extension ours, is all about them? My oldest soldier returned from Afghanistan with a bad case of PTSD and for quite awhile after he came back, the majority of my parenting energies were invested in getting treatment for him before he became one of the army's suicide statistics.... should my daughter have been resentful that for the better part of a year it was all about him?

If your husband doesn't believe in counseling and you continue to focus on how your DSS is ruining your dream life as a newlywed I'm afraid you're at an impass that isn't likely to be resolved short of separation. Quite honestly, if someone had told me "yes, your DS is a PTSD mess, but *what about ME*???" I would have said to either wait your turn or don't let the door hit you in the backside on your way out. You say that just a couple of years ago this kid was a normal, functional 16 y/o? Something had to have happened to push him to the current state, and I strongly suspect that the drug use is merely a symptom of the real problem, and not really the primary problem. People don't choose to have a mental illness, in fact, given a choice the majority would rather not have to choose between the mental illness or the nasty side effects of the medications that could control the mental illness. Maybe some counselinbg for yourself to rid yourself from some of this resentment would make the situation more bearable.
Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Tue, 04-03-2012 - 8:46pm

You're right that it has to about the whole family, not just one child.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Tue, 04-03-2012 - 9:17pm

This is what happens when you marry someone who is NOT a child-less, orphaned bachelor or spinster.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 04-03-2012 - 9:55pm
Did you read my mind sabr?
Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Wed, 04-04-2012 - 12:54am

You know I did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 04-04-2012 - 12:54pm

I could definitely see the girls not wanting to come over if this boy was still on drugs but from all accounts, he's off drugs and basically a nice kid, even though unmotivated in school--so really what is the problem?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Wed, 04-04-2012 - 1:59pm

Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Wed, 04-04-2012 - 2:11pm

The problem with our "kids" is they are all over 18 which means we, as their parents, can't TELL them what to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Wed, 04-04-2012 - 2:17pm

Oh...as for dh, yes...he IS one of "those" men who just don't believe in counseling.