That's got to be very frustrating. I, too, have a ds that doesn't have a lot of motivation. He's 22 and lives at home (tried college a couple times but didn't put forth the effort so ended up failing several classes). He does work full time, though. We made it clear that if he wasn't going to apply himself in school he had to get a job if he was going to live here. I think working for the last 9 months at a minimum wage call center job has gotten him thinking more about what he really wants to do and he realizes he's going to need some type of further training in order to get a decent job.
Your dss probably won't change unless your dh gives him an ultimatum and sticks to it. Just making vague threats that 'he can't live with you forever' isn't going to do any good. There are other options besides college and the military. There are jobs to be had with a high school degree (provided he can get it). Or there's trade school. But as long as your dh continues to enable his ds I don't see anything changing any time soon.
It's very difficult for someone who has never had the experience of living with someone with an emotional/psychological disorder to understand what is going on.
I sure hope dh's son doesn't live with us until he's 22.
First of all it does no use to compare your DSS to your own kids--they were raised differently, had different parenst & have different abilities & genes. I can see this w/ my DD & former DSD who are 1 yr apart.
So, I brought up DSS19 yesterday to dh...whether he had ever been tested for ADD and he got angry...like what did I know.
Gosh startingover, this DS is sounding
mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16
I think sometimes, that dads dont want testing is because they are living in a sort of denial.