No Respect

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2006
No Respect
14
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 3:48pm
Ok so it has now been nine days since my step son has been grounded, and only 5 days since he confessed to having his phone after he was grounded, for other reasons, and his phone was taken away. Now he isn't a big talker at all so when we asked him how he was feeling about his punishment he didn't have a lot to say. We wanted him to talk and let us know if he was sorry or didn't feel he did anything wrong, or just what was going on in his mind. So we thought that the easiest way of doing that was to get him to kinda write a letter about all of it. We asked him to write about what he did, why he did it, if he thought it was right, and how he was feeling. Along with all of this we asked him to write why for each thing, and we gave examples on the how he was feeling topic, such as "are you sorry for what you did, do you feel you did wrong, do you have any remorse for what you have one." When he wrote the letter he did not say anything about being sorry, feeling he had done wrong or anything along those lines. When we asked him why, he said that he wasn't sorry, and he didn't feel that we deserve an appology. He acts as though he has done nothing wrong and he doesn't seem to be learning anything during this punishment, meaning he is still very rude, and has a lot of lip to give. I do understand that because he is 13 this is something that he is going to do, but when I was that age I had respect and I knew where to draw the line. I'm not saying that in my room behind closed doors I didn't say horrible things about my parents but he comes right out and tells you to your face and then looks at you like "what I didn't say anything wrong." Someone please some advice sometehing thatcan get through this kids thick head and show him that he has to start showing people some respect in order to get respect. HELP!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2006
In reply to: just__alex
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 11:54am
Ok fisrt off let me start by say no you did not offend me I am very open to everyones opinion and the fact that I am needing other peoples advice.
And for the record now that I am looking at all of this my Step Son is not really grounded for a month but instead because of all of the things that have lead up to all of this and including the day that he decided to finally admit to having his ccell phone. But we have decided rather than being grounded for one month its actually going to be something that he has to earn back his privilages. We think that maybe it will work better this way because its in his hands to show that he can change his attitude and prove to us that he is trustworthy again. I am not saying that the first time he proves something he gets everything back, but he will get something big back to show that we recognize the effort he is putting in to it.
Thanks again for the advice
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2006
In reply to: just__alex
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 11:58am
Well I think that being the mom of three boys you would definatly have a really good idea on what will work and what won't, so I would like to say thank you for your advice and I will definatly give that a try. However it may work better if his dad takes him for some one on one time because he is the bio parent and his son has always been more open to him than he has me. But again thank you very much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2003
In reply to: just__alex
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 1:11pm
One of the posts brought up give respect vs. get respect. I know this will sound like a silly question, but how do we know if we are being respectful of our teens? I think I'm a reasonable Mom, but I don't really have a way of comparing myself to others. Do you think respectful is how strict you are? How you listen to them or let them make choices? I'm curious to know what you all think? And, how do we get the teens to appreciate the respect we give them and give it in return? Interesting...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: just__alex
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 3:23pm

<< but how do we know if we are being respectful of our teens? >>

For me, its seeing things other people do with their teens(often on this board)and going "What are they thinking? They're treating that child so unfairly, disrespectfully, etc"

Then, after that gut reaction, I often think of something similar I have done and do some serious self reflection, often changing my own ways

It is easier to see in a situation other than one's own. I get caught up in 'the whole story' with my own kids but, with someone elses, its easier just to pinpoint a behavior on the adults part and go "ehhh...not so good"

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