No Respect
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No Respect
| Tue, 02-06-2007 - 3:48pm |
Ok so it has now been nine days since my step son has been grounded, and only 5 days since he confessed to having his phone after he was grounded, for other reasons, and his phone was taken away. Now he isn't a big talker at all so when we asked him how he was feeling about his punishment he didn't have a lot to say. We wanted him to talk and let us know if he was sorry or didn't feel he did anything wrong, or just what was going on in his mind. So we thought that the easiest way of doing that was to get him to kinda write a letter about all of it. We asked him to write about what he did, why he did it, if he thought it was right, and how he was feeling. Along with all of this we asked him to write why for each thing, and we gave examples on the how he was feeling topic, such as "are you sorry for what you did, do you feel you did wrong, do you have any remorse for what you have one." When he wrote the letter he did not say anything about being sorry, feeling he had done wrong or anything along those lines. When we asked him why, he said that he wasn't sorry, and he didn't feel that we deserve an appology. He acts as though he has done nothing wrong and he doesn't seem to be learning anything during this punishment, meaning he is still very rude, and has a lot of lip to give. I do understand that because he is 13 this is something that he is going to do, but when I was that age I had respect and I knew where to draw the line. I'm not saying that in my room behind closed doors I didn't say horrible things about my parents but he comes right out and tells you to your face and then looks at you like "what I didn't say anything wrong." Someone please some advice sometehing thatcan get through this kids thick head and show him that he has to start showing people some respect in order to get respect. HELP!!!

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And for the record now that I am looking at all of this my Step Son is not really grounded for a month but instead because of all of the things that have lead up to all of this and including the day that he decided to finally admit to having his ccell phone. But we have decided rather than being grounded for one month its actually going to be something that he has to earn back his privilages. We think that maybe it will work better this way because its in his hands to show that he can change his attitude and prove to us that he is trustworthy again. I am not saying that the first time he proves something he gets everything back, but he will get something big back to show that we recognize the effort he is putting in to it.
Thanks again for the advice
<< but how do we know if we are being respectful of our teens? >>
For me, its seeing things other people do with their teens(often on this board)and going "What are they thinking? They're treating that child so unfairly, disrespectfully, etc"
Then, after that gut reaction, I often think of something similar I have done and do some serious self reflection, often changing my own ways
It is easier to see in a situation other than one's own. I get caught up in 'the whole story' with my own kids but, with someone elses, its easier just to pinpoint a behavior on the adults part and go "ehhh...not so good"
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