Is this normal behavior?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-1998
Is this normal behavior?
13
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 12:16pm

I think my son is exhibiting normal 14 year old boy behavior, but I'm still concerned and worried.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-1998
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 1:17pm

This sounds a lot like my ninth grade DS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-1998
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 1:47pm

I wonder when it finally *clicks* with them?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 1:55pm

Will our smart child reemerge?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-1998
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 2:07pm

I know it's not anything we're doing wrong as parents, because my older son is a straight A, Top Ten student who spends an average of two hours a night on homework, and rarely forgets to do or turn in work.


Of course, this just makes it worse for his younger brother, who often feels that he can never measure up to what Matt is, so why should he even bother?


We're not asking him to get straight A's.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 4:23pm

Well, in my household it's common!


There are lots of things that happen.


Some kids cruise through the earlier grades with no effort. When the material gets more difficult and they now have to make an effort, they dont know how. They have not learned study skills.


Some get tired of teacher pleasing-I think this is more common with boys. Junior high teachers were IME the worst about 'picky'. This was where the paper was tossed in the garbage because it was placed on the desk with the heading facing east instead of west!!! When parents complained(and with my oldest, several did)they were told the teacher was doing them a favor in preparing the kid for high school. Pure fallacy as high school was not like this at all(not the 2 my boys attended)


Some I think just get tired of school. I wish I had encouraged the 2 who are in college to try to do High School in 3 years. This generation, after all, likely started formal schooling earlier than many(I went to Catholic schools for elementary and they didnt even have kindergarten then)


And, this is where it starts to think about what THEY want. Do they want college? Do they still want to be what they said they wanted to be in 5th grade(none of mine have)? Up to this point, most kids have been pleasing mom and dad and I dont mean that in a bad way-I think that's what pre puberty kids do!!!


You sounds like you are in a competitive area if you have to apply for high school. I admit to having no experience with that but be aware that 70% of graduating seniors will attend college in the two years after their graduation. Obviously, 70% of high schoolers do NOT carry perfect GPAs


Will he miss out getting in the most competitive colleges if he keeps this attitude? Yep, but that leaves thousands more.


And, last but not least, I have BTDT. I could have written this post about my oldest, now 22. I took away the video games, I lectured, I bribed and I did everything but cartwheels. Did not make one iota of difference and I have to question, in retrospect, if I made it worse. The more I pushed, the deeper those heels were dug. OTOH maybe he would have done worse if I didnt push. One never really knows-we dont get redos in parenting to find out.


But, if I had a redo, I would back off and make those years more enjoyable. They grow up and leave way too soon to be having tears over 88%s

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 4:32pm

Of course, this just makes it worse for his younger brother, who often feels that he can never measure up to what Matt is, so why should he even bother?


I wondered if this was a problem for DSD, who is one year younger than DD.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 4:47pm

I think windrush had a good, comprehensive reply.

One other thing you might want to consider is to have him evaluated for ADD or LDs, unless he does well on quizzes/exams, and just fails to do the homework--then it's likely laziness. Sometimes LDs aren't discovered until HS or even college, especially if the students have been pleasers and well-liked by teachers in earlier years when they were getting their As.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-1998
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 8:19am

Thank you everyone, for your responses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 8:27am

I could almost have written your post about my 20 y/o DS Z.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 9:19am
One thing to remember is at this age, their horizons are expanding...so many things going on in their minds and bodies that oftentimes, without there actually being anything *abnormal* going on, school ends up taking one of the back seats. We don't like it, but there it is...

 

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