not involved in school

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
not involved in school
23
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 12:40pm

Since not much is going on the board today, I thought I'd add something.

I have an 18 yo DD who is a senior and a 17 yo DSD who is a junior in the same high school. They couldn't be more diff. My DD is very involved in school--when it came time to do her resume for college apps., she really had a long list of stuff--track team, junior & senior committee, Best Buddies, etc. My DSD really isn't into joining much. Her dad told her she had to join some club this year because he knew that it really wouldn't be good just to have nothing to write on college apps, so she joined Rotary Interact, but she never talks about doing anything w/ that club.

She has a couple of good friends, which is fine, enough for her to have some kids to go to the movies or the mall with. I'm not concerned w/ who is in the "popular" group because this is a huge school. Last night though, she was talking about going shopping w/ her friends to look for prom dresses. They are going & she's not. The prom is at the end of April and she hadn't mentioned it before. I'm not surprised that she's not going. She is a jeans & T shirt kind of girl, so I know she wouldn't want to get dressed up, unless maybe someone she really liked asked her and she hasn't been asked. Her friends are going w/o dates, but she thinks that's lame. From what my DD told me, people don't usually go to the prom w/o a date, so I agree w/ her on that one. I know DH was disappointed that she doesn't get to have this experience. He said "you're going to go next year, aren't you?" It doesn't seem like she really cares.

It's hard for me to understand someone who is not involved at all in school, since I was a cheerleader & in various clubs, plus school plays. My DD will go to every football, basketball & hockey game, if she can. The only thing that DSD went to was the state championship hockey game, which she enjoyed. I don't know if she doesn't think her dad will let her go if the game is on a school night (which hockey & basketball usually are) of what, but she has never asked. I guess her friends aren't interested in sports either. It's funny, because she actualy likes sports, esp. basketball.

Now I know that everybody isn't interested in school, but those people usually have some kind of outside interest, either a sport, church group or whatever, but my DSD doesn't seem to be interested in anything except hanging around in her room on the computer. I don't know if it's too late now to do anything to improve her chances for getting into college. I think her dad should have encouraged her to do more things starting in 9th grade. It's not even just for college. It's just seems boring to me to have nothing to do. Have any of you had kids that were kind of uninvolved and did it change as they got older?

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Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 1:02pm

I'm going to be interested in the answers you get because ds14, a freshman, isn't really into much either. He's a Life boy scout, working on his Eagle project right now, but that's pulling teeth to get him to participate willingly, yet he admits he wants to finish since he's gone this far. He's only in 'Club Mudd', the ceramics club after school on Thursdays, and is vaguely thinking about swim team next year, but that's it for stuff at school (admittedly when I went through the list of options, I didn't see much I thought he'd like - I, OTOH, was in 23 activities in HS, so it's hard for me to fathom too). I'm hoping the lingering mono symptoms he has have had something to do with this, but I'm not convinced yet. He's definitely had his roughest year academically this year. He's just happy to play XBox live (limited to an hour/day) and do stuff on the computer (You Tube, My Space videos, etc.). He's still low energy, so hopefully that's the heart of it for him...I guess only time will tell.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 5:30pm

I am also interested in the responses you will get.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 5:41pm

I, too, have one of each.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 7:24am
My DS J was usually pretty uninvolved in school related activities too, just had a few friends that he hung out with, but really didn't get into the whole school life thing. He had a few outside interests that he was involved with, but not school related. He doesn't regret the way he handled high school, just looks at it as 4 years of his life that he'd just as soon not repeat. I think as long as DSD is happy and not into the troubles that a lot of kids get into when they have too much time on their hands, I wouldn't worry about it.
Rose
Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 8:10am

I too have complete opposites. My dd is the social butterfly - millions of friends, active in school, sports and tons of activities. If anything spread way to thin. DS, while only in the 5th grade, has never shown an interest in anything other than video and computer games. He has very few friends and is quite shy. He has tried a few things in the past, but he tends to be a perfectionist and if he's not perfect or the best - he won't bother at all.

He NEEDS to do something. He's in the middle school next year, so I am hoping something, anything will interest him. He's turned into the stereotype couch potato kid. Just last week, while we were taking his sister to one of her million activites I tried talking to him about getting into something. He mentioned maybe playing football - so fingers crossed!




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 8:31am

I think the key is her happiness. I had a small group of friends in high school and didnt do activities or get into the sports scene as a participant or spectator

I wasn't unhappy or picked on. I didnt hate high school. It was just a 'blah' part of my life. It was rather like watching a movie, complete with the drama and pageantry ;)

I'm rather a low key personality-would never make a game show!

No regrets

I enjoyed college tremendously. I used to think it was because I matured by then and was able to enjoy it(I was young for my grade)but now I dont think that being a year older in high school would have made a difference. I think its just my innate personality and several people in my family are just like me-including two of my 3 kids!

Even my most outgoing didnt go to prom. He was in a number of activities but still didnt get into the 'social' psrt. Hed date but never got serious. Was very turned off by what he saw in the halls with GF/BFs. It was just too 'encompassing' in his mind.

He is a college freshman now and has a steady GF. She is in a sorority so he has attended several formal dances in that venue.

If SD is low key, she may be more comfortable with college which is more low key. She will get in somewhere. Getting into THE college probably isnt on her radar. And I dont know that it should be. It isnt for everyone.

Wanted to tack on:

even though I am not a joiner, DH is-big time!

So the kids were in many activities when they were younger. All three did scouting, at least one year of band, and rec baseball and soccer. Past that, individuals did travel soccer, travel baseball, cross country, wrestling, gymanastics, pottery, art, YMCA camps, swim classes......you get the picture. Still, once we stopped 'making' them do things, the 'low key' two have chosen not to do high school activities. My most extroverted did a few things.

IOW, for those who feel it would be different if they started younger, I disagree




Edited 4/6/2007 12:37 pm ET by windrush54
Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 12:11pm

> > As of the end of the first grading period he's squeaking by with a VERY low B average. < <

ROFL----oh Pam!! I know you are so used to your boys getting A's, but I just HAD to laugh at the "squeaking by" part. LOL "Squeaking by," to me anyway, is a VERY low C, and we tend to ride *that* average continuously at my house. LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 12:15pm

My two were/are not that involved in their schools. I wasn't and neither was their father so I don't have a problem with it. I recently attended my highschool reunion. Those girls who were very involved in school are not necessarily more successful or happier than I am.
I have done very well. So, she doesn't go to the Prom. I didn't. My DS doesn't. It might not be her thing.

(1) The activities may not interest your DSD. Not everyone is into cheer leadering or plays or sports. Some people find watching sports boring. I do. They would rather play the sport rather than watch it.

(2) I would not call this being interested in school. Being involved in the social activities of school is very different from "school". You DSD might find the activities at her school too negatively competitive for her taste. That's OK

(3) Do the girls go to the same high school? That could be also part of the reason your DSD is not that involved in the school life of the school. If your DD was and is well known, it is hard for your DSD to carve out a niche for herself where she feels she will not be judged on her own merits and not as your DD's sib. Fear of comparison can be very difficult to handle. Things could change next year from your DD has left the school.

Encourage her not to join a club for the sake of "joining" but to develop her interests.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 5:15pm

LOL, know what you mean, Mitzi!

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 5:27pm

Luckily (or perhaps sadly??) here a D is considered failing (below 70) at least where it counts to ds15--that's to play sports. He has had to sit out for the past 6 weeks for a 60-something average in Spanish I. Grades went in yesterday and his teacher gave him a verbal assurance that he was passing her class...with a 71!! (There's that squeaking we're talking about LOL) I shall wait to see what is actually listed on his report card. :)

You know, I don't know if a D here is considered passing or not...I'm probably better off not knowing... :)

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