not involved in school

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
not involved in school
23
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 12:40pm

Since not much is going on the board today, I thought I'd add something.

I have an 18 yo DD who is a senior and a 17 yo DSD who is a junior in the same high school. They couldn't be more diff. My DD is very involved in school--when it came time to do her resume for college apps., she really had a long list of stuff--track team, junior & senior committee, Best Buddies, etc. My DSD really isn't into joining much. Her dad told her she had to join some club this year because he knew that it really wouldn't be good just to have nothing to write on college apps, so she joined Rotary Interact, but she never talks about doing anything w/ that club.

She has a couple of good friends, which is fine, enough for her to have some kids to go to the movies or the mall with. I'm not concerned w/ who is in the "popular" group because this is a huge school. Last night though, she was talking about going shopping w/ her friends to look for prom dresses. They are going & she's not. The prom is at the end of April and she hadn't mentioned it before. I'm not surprised that she's not going. She is a jeans & T shirt kind of girl, so I know she wouldn't want to get dressed up, unless maybe someone she really liked asked her and she hasn't been asked. Her friends are going w/o dates, but she thinks that's lame. From what my DD told me, people don't usually go to the prom w/o a date, so I agree w/ her on that one. I know DH was disappointed that she doesn't get to have this experience. He said "you're going to go next year, aren't you?" It doesn't seem like she really cares.

It's hard for me to understand someone who is not involved at all in school, since I was a cheerleader & in various clubs, plus school plays. My DD will go to every football, basketball & hockey game, if she can. The only thing that DSD went to was the state championship hockey game, which she enjoyed. I don't know if she doesn't think her dad will let her go if the game is on a school night (which hockey & basketball usually are) of what, but she has never asked. I guess her friends aren't interested in sports either. It's funny, because she actualy likes sports, esp. basketball.

Now I know that everybody isn't interested in school, but those people usually have some kind of outside interest, either a sport, church group or whatever, but my DSD doesn't seem to be interested in anything except hanging around in her room on the computer. I don't know if it's too late now to do anything to improve her chances for getting into college. I think her dad should have encouraged her to do more things starting in 9th grade. It's not even just for college. It's just seems boring to me to have nothing to do. Have any of you had kids that were kind of uninvolved and did it change as they got older?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 04-07-2007 - 12:56pm
LOL Marie, I fully know that D is passing! J graduated hs with a 1.9 GPA - and only coz he aced every tech ed class he took. Which I suppose is a good thing, coz he's made really good $$ in construction work, and enjoys it besides. I'd rather have him happy than doing something he hates.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Sat, 04-07-2007 - 4:03pm

I'm not sure how teasing Pam about her concern for Justin helps at all - except to make you feel better about your kid. Concerns about our kids are relative to *their* abilities and our expectations. I can be disappointed about a B-, just as you can be about a D

Sue




Edited 4/7/2007 7:42 pm ET by luv_l_and_s
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Sat, 04-07-2007 - 7:06pm
They must mark extremely easily where you are.
Here, 70% is a B and, for many courses, the kid really has to work to get that 70%.
60s are Cs and a D is in the 50% since that is half of 100%.
Avatar for mjaye2002
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-07-2007 - 7:13pm

Aw, Sue, I didn't mean to imply that Pam's concern for Justin was less deserving than our concern for our own kids. And, believe me, my intent was not to make me feel better about my own kid and his D, because, believe me, it doesn't. I wasn't teasing her about her concern for Justin, I was kidding with her about her choice of words, that was all. I'm sorry if my post wasn't clear in that respect. And I'm sorry if you were offended by it.

And Pam, if I offended you in any way, please accept my apology.

(editted to say I'm not real sure how that "yum" icon got on my post...obviously a whoopsy on my part.)




Edited 4/7/2007 7:18 pm ET by mjaye2002
Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-07-2007 - 7:49pm

I'm not sure that our marking a 70 as a C is any easier than marking it a B. It's still 70% and here, anything below 70 is failing. Some kids have to work really hard to get that 70. Some kids breeze thru with 90's. It all depends on the subject matter and the kid. I know Rose and Marie were saying a D was passing for their schools. Rose or Marie, is a D for y'all a 60 as it is for us? And, iteadrinker, what at percentage do your kids fail?

Just curious, where are you? Are you in the US? (for some reason, seems like I remember that you aren't, but I just flat don't remember.) Do you know what percentage your kids have to be at to be academically eligible for school-sponsored sports? You know, if you are in the US, is there really *that* much difference in grading throughout the states?? If so, then wow. I never knew.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 12:03pm

Here in California, a 60% is a D and is considered "passing". However, in Spanish I for instance, a teacher will not give a recommendation for Spanish II with that grade.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 3:11pm

Yes, they do go to the same school. I can't say really if my DD is "well known". She has a group of friends, but this is a big school, over 400 per class. My ex once said, when DSD was getting in a lot of trouble esp. for skipping school, that DSD wanted to be the "anti-Sarah". Even though we would never compare the girls, I don't know if she compares herself internally and decided not to try too much in school because she knows she couldn't get Sarah's grades. That's kind of a cop out though. She might not be the top 10%, but her dad says that she has to work a little harder, but if she applied herself, she would be at least a B student. The problem is that she doesn't seem to want to apply herself. She will do just enough to get by, sometimes not even that, cause she has gotten some failing grades, and she takes easy electives, nothing to challenge herself.

If she seemed happy, as some have said, I would be more ok w/ that. For ex, I think it's fine that she has 2 good friends that she can go out with. She doesn't need to be in a "popular" group, whatever that is, since we all know that popularity doesn't mean anything after you graduate from h.s. These other girls might be a little different, but they are nice girls and they have fun together. The other 2 girls are going to the prom. One has a 19 yo BF! the other doesn't have a BF and she is going w/o a date. I think a lot of it is that my DSD is a big girl and she doesn't feel comfortable being dressed up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 5:10pm

I am a Canadian. Here, a fail is 50%. 50s are Ds, 60s are Cs and 70s are Bs. 80 and above is an A. A 70% is a very acceptable average. It is far from failing. It is after all 20 marks above the half-way mark. In fact,the class averages of most high school courses are in the the 60s and maybe in the 70s. It is only in the gifted classes do we might see class averages higher than that.

We don't have an qualifying average for kids to be eligible for sports at school. If we do, I have never heard of one. The schools like to encourage everyone to try out for the teams. But sports are not as big of a thing as in the US.

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 8:00am
Boy, my ds sure would love your scale...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 11:42am
I guess you can't compare apples & oranges. It must be difficult if a Canadian kid is trying to get into an American college or vice versa, unless the admissions people know the difference. I was just reading that the average GPA for kids to get into the Univ. of Mass. (which is where my DD is going next year) is 3.6, which is like an A-. They were saying how the days when you could count on going to the state univ. are gone, mainly due to the larger number of students in that age group.