not involved in school

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
not involved in school
23
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 12:40pm

Since not much is going on the board today, I thought I'd add something.

I have an 18 yo DD who is a senior and a 17 yo DSD who is a junior in the same high school. They couldn't be more diff. My DD is very involved in school--when it came time to do her resume for college apps., she really had a long list of stuff--track team, junior & senior committee, Best Buddies, etc. My DSD really isn't into joining much. Her dad told her she had to join some club this year because he knew that it really wouldn't be good just to have nothing to write on college apps, so she joined Rotary Interact, but she never talks about doing anything w/ that club.

She has a couple of good friends, which is fine, enough for her to have some kids to go to the movies or the mall with. I'm not concerned w/ who is in the "popular" group because this is a huge school. Last night though, she was talking about going shopping w/ her friends to look for prom dresses. They are going & she's not. The prom is at the end of April and she hadn't mentioned it before. I'm not surprised that she's not going. She is a jeans & T shirt kind of girl, so I know she wouldn't want to get dressed up, unless maybe someone she really liked asked her and she hasn't been asked. Her friends are going w/o dates, but she thinks that's lame. From what my DD told me, people don't usually go to the prom w/o a date, so I agree w/ her on that one. I know DH was disappointed that she doesn't get to have this experience. He said "you're going to go next year, aren't you?" It doesn't seem like she really cares.

It's hard for me to understand someone who is not involved at all in school, since I was a cheerleader & in various clubs, plus school plays. My DD will go to every football, basketball & hockey game, if she can. The only thing that DSD went to was the state championship hockey game, which she enjoyed. I don't know if she doesn't think her dad will let her go if the game is on a school night (which hockey & basketball usually are) of what, but she has never asked. I guess her friends aren't interested in sports either. It's funny, because she actualy likes sports, esp. basketball.

Now I know that everybody isn't interested in school, but those people usually have some kind of outside interest, either a sport, church group or whatever, but my DSD doesn't seem to be interested in anything except hanging around in her room on the computer. I don't know if it's too late now to do anything to improve her chances for getting into college. I think her dad should have encouraged her to do more things starting in 9th grade. It's not even just for college. It's just seems boring to me to have nothing to do. Have any of you had kids that were kind of uninvolved and did it change as they got older?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Sat, 04-14-2007 - 9:32pm

It is actually not that difficult for Canadian students to go down south. I know a few who have incredible scholarships at Ivy League Colleges and these kids are nothing fanastic. They were not qualified for the big scholarships here. I also know a kid who did not get into a Canadian University so she went down South & is now in a college in New England.
It is getting popular for students here who didn't get into University for Education to go down to New York State.

From what I have read, it is not that easy for US students to come up north. The requirements sound tough to me..A-/B+ (US averages) over all the 4 years of high school + SAT I & two or 3 SAT IIs minimun scores plus additional requirements for AP/IB..courses plus minimun A- in various core courses like Grade 11 & Grade 12 English. Of course, the admission requirements for the "lesser" universities and colleges (which are not degree-granting institutions) are not as tough. Colleges here are very different from universities.

Canadian students do not write SATs nor do their Grade 9 & 10 marks count. It is really only Grade 12 Provincial-set Courses that matter and of course, a provincial high school diploma.

But you are correct. It is apples and oranges. We have totally different systems.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2007
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 12:01am
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I HAVE A SON WHO IS A JUNIOR AND DOES NOT SEEM TO BE INTERESTED IN ANYTHING. HE HAS GOTTEN GOOD GRADES, PRETTY MUCH B'S EXCEPT A D IN HIS SPANISH 2 CLASS. HE NEVER WANTED TO DO ANY KIND OF COMMUNITY SERVICE WHICH IS MANDATORY AT THIS PUBLIC HIGHT SCHOOL TO GRADUATE NEXT YEAR. HE IS NOT INVOLVED IN ANY SPORTS, ALTHOUGH IN 9TH AND 10TH GRADE HE DID PLAY VOLLEYBALL. HE HAS ONE OR TWO FRIENDS AND JUST WANTS TO SPEND TIME AT HOME HARRASSING HIS 9TH GRADE SISTER. IT SEEMS WITH THEM BOTH IN THE SAME SCHOOL NOW IT IS EVEN WORSE! ADD TO ALL OF THE TEENAGE CHAOS THAT I WAS DIVORCED LAST YEAR AFTER 21 YEARS OF MARRAIGE AND YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW MY SON IS ACTING NOW. (I INITIATED THE DIVORCE). MY DAUGHTER IS TOTALLY THE OPPPOSITE OF MY SON. SHE CARES ABOUT HER GRADES SO MUCH THAT SHE WILL NOT ACCEPT LOWER THAN AN "A" ON A TEST. SHE ALREADY KNOWS WHERE SHE WANTS TO GO TO COLLEGE AND HAS ALREADY JOINED A CLUB THIS YEAR. I HAVE MY SON AND I IN COUNSELING FOR ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUES REGARDING THE FAMILY AND THE COUNSELOR FEELS THAT EACH TEENAGER HAS TO GO THROUGH THEIR OWN WAY OF DEALING WITH SCHOOL. HE FEELS THAT IT CAN ACTUALLY BE BETTER THAT MY SON IS HOME SINCE HE IS NOT OUT PARTYING, DRINKING, AND TAKING DRUGS. WE ACTUALLY HAVE A RULE THAT MY SON CAN NOT CLOSE HIS DOOR IN HIS ROOM UNTIL HE IS READY TO GO TO BED. I JUST NEED TO KEEP MY EYE ON HIM MORE NOW.
MY SON HAS NO ASPIRATIONS TO GO TO A UC OR STATE COLLEGE. HE SAID HE ONLY WANTS TO GO TO A COMMUNITY COLLEGE BECAUSE HE FEELS THAT THERE WILL BE TOO MUCH PRESSURE AT ANY OTHER TYPE OF COLLEGE FOR HIM. I ALSO ASKED HIM ABOUT THE PROM SINCE HE JUST GOT HIS FIRST GIRLGRIEND AND HE COULD CARE LESS. HIS FEELING IS THAT HE HAS TO GO TO HIGH SCHOOL AND THERE IS NO NEED TO BE INVOLVED IN ANYTHING GOING ON ON CAMPUS. I WAS REALLY EXTROVERTED WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL SO THIS IS REALLY HARD FOR ME. AT LEAST I KNOW THAT MY KIDS WILL ALWAYS COME HOME TO ME, EVEN AT THOSE TIMES I COULD REALLY USE A BREAK!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 9:27am

Well, community college might not be bad. First of all, you will save a lot of money. Plus I know that here in MA, every student who graduates from a community college is automatically guaranteed admission to UMass for their last 2 years. My mother worked at the nursing dept. of a community college and actually got her A.S. degree from there when she was 65. She had been taking courses here and there and her friends convinced her to get her degree. My nephew, who barely graduated from high school, is now in a small local college and is really enjoying it and doing well. Maybe your son just needs a little more maturity before he can do something with more "pressure" as he puts it.

I'm sorry about the divorce. I know it's hard to go through. I was divorced after 13 yrs. of marriage (his idea) and I felt I could barely function for awhile. Now I am in the 2nd marriage and not too sure if this one is going to last either. :(

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