NOT overly concerned about teen's sex ?
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| Tue, 04-11-2006 - 11:32am |
My first post here and i'm scared !! lol. (I'm a Dad), here's the facts:
My D has *just* turned 16. She's dating a great kid, also 16. Polite, good to her, makes her happy.
Because of his horrible homelife, I allow him to sleep over at my house on weekends (rather than drive him home at midnight).
They sleep in the finished basement (no doors) on separate sofa's.
I'm sure they cuddle, kiss, etc. My wife has very open sex discussions with her and in the past she's said 'she's not ready for that yet'.
Just this past weekend my D asked my wife if they can investigate Birth control because she said she may be ready and wants to be protected if/when they decide to have sex. This obviously means they're going to have sex as soon as she's protected.
Her and the boy are both virgins so i'm not overly concerned with STD's, just pregnancy.
On the one hand i'm jumping for joy that she has this dialog with my her mom and that she's this smart as to ask for guidance and birth control - she's expressed interest in the Pill.
BUT On the other hand, I feel like a horrible parent for NOT being overly upset and ranting and screaming YOU'RE TOO YOUNG !!
Am I being stupid and too liberal ? She JUST turned 16. My wife is taking her to Planned Parenthood in a week or two where they'll discuss methods.
Is it THAT bad for a 16 y/o to have sex if she's on the pill and he's using a condom ?
Tell me we're the best parents - or tell me we're the worst parents ever.
I'm just so confused. Thank you so much in advance.
Mike.

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Wow, Amelia. I may sound like a hypocrite, but 14 seems very young. I also have a 14 y/o in my house and she's in no way ready for sex (she's very attractive and has boys falling all over her, but she herself knows she's not ready).
To have one that IS ready. I can't imagine what you're going thru but you seem to be handling it very maturly. No yelling, swearing, etc that I see some parents do.
Unfortunatly i have no advice because i don't know how you CAN stop it. Be happy that she told you about it, seriously. How great is that ? that she came to you. Now you can make sure she's protected to the tenth power !
best of luck to both of us.
I truly believe that both our dd's will grow up just fine. When they're in their 30's they'll be saying "yea, i had sex quite young and I turned out just fine". We can pat ourselves on the back for that.
btw, my wife told my dd (16) NOT to do it in our house. Where does that leave them to do it ? a car ? hotel ? friends house with the friends around ? the backyard trampoline ?
I think i read a survey recently that said a large majority (80%) of girls lose their virginity in their own bedrooms.
best of luck. Mike. mr_Zebra@hotmail.com
I agree... I think some 16 year olds are very capable of having a mature sexual relationship with their partners... I also think there are
Thanks for the response. Time will tell, I guess. It just seems that my dd has been making so many poor choices lately - sometimes I just really question what I am doing wrong!
Amelia
p.s. Car, hotel, or friend's house it will have to be because thinking of her having sex in my home (or on the trampoline) is just too close and too "in my face".
I'm going to suggest that you start a new thread on this one b/c it got buried under this huge thread which I for one was not even going to look at anymore.
Of course, I'm one of the prudes here so take it with a grain of salt, but you're dd14 is way too young to be engaged in this type of activity. I applaud you that your relationship is open enough that she would come to you with this, forgive me for saying so, outlandish request. I too have tried to open the doors of communication with my dd14 in this regard, and have told her that I will provide b.c. if needed against my wishes rather than have her get pg. However, I have told her that if she came to me at 14 or 15 with this request, I might want to get her "head examined" first.
I suggest you do everything in your power to stop this from happening. She's not too old at 14 to "control" in this regard. You might actually want to have her head examined, LOL. Perhaps some counseling is in order. How long has she known this boy? As has been said, a great deal of growth occurs between 14 and 16. I can't imagine in the biggest stretch of the imagination that she is remotely prepared for this.
BTW, I have reason to believe that my dd's best friend, 14, is pregnant, and already has an STD. Your dd has to know that no type of b.c. is 100% protective. I disagree that your dd will be protected "to the 10th degree" as mister blithely states. If she is engaging in this type of activity, she should be fully prepared to deal with the possible ramifications, i.e. pregnancy. Is she old enough to handle that?
Good luck to you. This is not your fault. I think it's the fault of our society, which pushes our kids into sex earlier and earlier...i.e, this thread.
Again, post this on a new thread...
Count me in as a member of the prude club, and it appears my 14yo DD already belongs too. She is on spring break this week,and she and I went for a walk this morning. We were talking about book, 'The Da Vinci Code', and somehow the topic of male/female relationships and sex came up. She was absolutely grossed out by the whole idea.
Of course, that will likely change when she gets into her first real relationship ...
But for now, I'm perfectly okay with her being grossed out.
P.S.: Is that H that you suspect is pregnant?
Yes, I know that she took a pg test that came out positive, and I sure hope that its a "false alarm" for her sake, but in one way I want all of this to come out so her parents can no longer hide their head in the sand. I'm trying to think of a way I can let the parents know without being the one to tell them. Whatever way they deal with it, I know its not going to be good. It's all so,so, sad...
I think those tests are pretty accurate. I don't believe she has told her parents. I found all of this through monitoring dd14's computer im's. I have no idea how she will handle this with her parents. She never did get re-enrolled at school; for now they are calling it "homeschooling" even though she does it when and if she wants to. I thank God that my dd is making new friends from school - she has actually now ventured into spending time with them outside of school - finally! I'm not dumb enough to think that these new kids are perfect either but I'm glad for any chance to get her away from H., whom she still considers her bff (something tells me that will change if H. is pg). I'm stressed too about having this information and not knowing what to do with it. Any suggestions? Keep in mind that H's parents are the "stick your head in the sand" kind.
I agree with the other "prude parents". You have to stop your DD from having sex. Don't leave her unsupervised, get her into therapy. Pills and condoms are not 100% effective. This is where I get really ticked off at shows like Sex and the City, where sex is made to seem so casual, and promiscuity is so glorified.
Good luck to you.
That poor girl...
I guess you could try to talk the pregnant girl into telling her parents. They need to know, and they need to know soon. I saw a special on TV about a girl who gave birth in her bathroom a home never having told her mother she was pregnant. SHe passed our from blood loss, fell on the baby, then she woke up and noticed the baby was having a hard time brething, then stabbed the baby to "put it out of its misery", then her boyfriend came over and took the baby and dumped him in a pond. Now she is trying to use her story to raise awareness, and she hopes to urge other pregnant girls to tell their parents, and get the help they need.
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