Not seeing DSD for Christmas

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Not seeing DSD for Christmas
9
Fri, 12-21-2007 - 3:46pm

17 yo DSD moved out of our house & in w/ her grandmother in Nov.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Fri, 12-21-2007 - 4:01pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-21-2007 - 4:19pm

I think everyone needs time. I wouldnt expect much for a good solid 6 mos and I personally wouldnt do anything remotely close to changing rooms

You likely read that thread on the college board about students getting bent out of shape when their room is changed while they are away. Ive definitely had some of that with my kids. We had never finished painting DS2's basement room-and at the time he wanted one orange wall and three off white. Well, we got the orange wall and a section behind the waterbed done on another wall and stopped.

When he went to college, we fixed it up, thinking he would actually be excited to come home at break and see it finally painted in one color(neutral, which seemed OK since he didnt want orange)

He was very upset and took it as us trying to rush him out.

He is in an apartment this year-12 mos a year-and I figure he is out of here. And have given his brother some clothing that was 1-mens small 2-left behind. Again, I upset him!

She may come back on her own choice or because something happens to the GM-who knows?

Im sorry this came so close to Xmas-just makes it all the harder

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-21-2007 - 4:20pm

Based on what you've shared here, I don't blame her for her actions towards her dad at this point. She may be nearing adulthood, but he IS the adult and parent in this situation and if he was interested in having a healthy relationship with his daughter then it was up to him to figure out a way to parent her without browbeating her at every turn, belittling her and making her feel like a pariah in her own home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 12-21-2007 - 4:34pm
Ironically, DH brought up moving DS into DD's room when she was going to college, then he kind of backed off.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 12-21-2007 - 4:37pm

DH called her a couple of times to ask her what she wanted for Christmas--no response, so he finally told her he was thinking about getting her a g.c. to Hot Topic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Fri, 12-21-2007 - 10:37pm

It's good your DH is in counseling and that your DSD inquired about therapy. That's a good start to mending the relationship.

I don't know if your DH takes any meds, but 5-HTP (near the vitamins) seemed to help me a bit last year when my emotions went crazy for a while. I think it's supposed to boost serotonin levels. Of course if he's on Rx, he'd want to check with his physician before trying it.

Your DH will be sure to call and at least leave a message for DSD on Xmas, right? I hope he can free his mind over the holidays so all of you who are together can enjoy yourselves. Hugs to you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 12-22-2007 - 9:11am

I'm sorry that DSD isn't interested in sharing Christmas with your family, but after the experience that our family had, I guess I can kind of understand her POV.


Before S came to live with us, he was very much the black sheep and scapegoat in his bio family, and nothing he did was right, and if he did something that was right it was greeted with "well glory be, micacles DO happen!" said very sarcastically which only de-motivated him, and he figured he might as well do pretty much what he wanted because no matter what he did it would result in grief for him with his family.

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-22-2007 - 10:36am

I am sending hugs for ALL of you-- I know it must be very hard this Christmas.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 12-26-2007 - 10:18am

Thanks for all your comments.