Not sure how to deal with a harrasser

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Not sure how to deal with a harrasser
2
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 12:34am
My daughter is almost 14 and she has a best friend who is almost 15 but in the same grade.The friend is a bit on the wild side and very outgoing while my daughter is very shy. there friendship was a good thing because as she opened my daughter up my daughter kept her out of trouble. The friend was grounded for about 6 weeks for bad grades and 4 teachers called her house in 1 day so she was not around for a while and my daughter found some new friends. When the friend was off being grounded she and my daugher spent the whole weekend together and they both saw other people one of the weeknights. My daughter went over another girls house on Thurs. and this friend calls her up mad because she did not call her to go too. Anyway, she is emailing my daughter messages like she is a skank and worse things (use your imagination) and is staring at her in school. I think they need to talk but honestly I think my daughter is scared. She is also suppose to be rooming with her on the school trip in April. Do I wait a few and see if this blows over? Any advice in handling this would be appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 7:06am
If this is just a few days old, I'd see if it doesn't blow over soon. My guess is that the friend is feeling neglected/rejected and is taking it out on DD. Usually it seems to be best if the girls try to handle these things on their own. If you get down to a week or so before the trip and things are still nasty, it might be time to intervene then - or by rooming together the girls might be able to sort things out then.
Rose
Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 10:43am

Your dd needs to feel like she is in control and has the ability to handle this on her own.

I'd give it a little while to blow over also. But personally, I'd call the administrator of the school trip and have dd switched to a different room. At this age, girls can be very petty and catty and downright mean to one another when squabbling. I don't think it's wise to fight your dd's battles, but if she is genuinely frightened then I think it's okay to step in when necessary. I would also try some role playing with your dd - you be the mean friend and help dd come up with some good, appropriate responses. She needs to feel capable of handling this or any other difficult situation. By role playing and teaching her various techniques, you will be empowering her to handle things on her own in the future.