Not sure how to handle daughter

Avatar for brwnid_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Not sure how to handle daughter
16
Fri, 11-18-2011 - 10:05am

My 15 yr old daughter is a bright loving child.

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Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Fri, 11-18-2011 - 10:16am
To me it sounds like she's no longer interested in playing or something happened. I was always the type to say if you signed up for something (assuming it was something ds wanted to sign up for, not something I wanted him to!), you need to see it through. But if something has happened to make her uncomfortable (maybe it's the coach, maybe it's someone on the team), I would see if she would level with me and go from there (you may need to be very gentle, not remotely confrontational; emotions may be running high). My guess is something happened (not an injury) and she's maybe scared or ashamed or doesn't know how to tell you. Maybe you can suggest a different team (via the Y or other club) if she still likes the sport but not that particular group. Good luck - sometimes they have a very hard time confiding the true underlying reason.

Sue
Avatar for brwnid_grl
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Registered: 04-03-2003
Fri, 11-18-2011 - 10:52am

Thanks Sue,

I also thought of this, hence one reason for seeking advice.

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Fri, 11-18-2011 - 11:03am
It seems like one of the least awkward ways that people have discussed is to just be in the car going somewhere, so it's not quite as hard to look away, etc. I'd just say hey, it seems like you're uncomfortable with something about basketball...and then just let her take it from there...good luck!

Sue
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Registered: 02-14-2000
Fri, 11-18-2011 - 11:06am

Hi and welcome to the board. Was she excited about playing at the beginning of this year? Does she like to shoot baskets at home just for fun? It does sound like for whatever reason she has lost interest; whether something specific happened or whether she's just lost the passion for the sport is the issue. I'd try the direct approach - 'You say your shoulder is bothering you but you aren't doing the exercises to help make it better and you don't seem interested in even practicing. Is there something else bothering you? Are the girls all getting along on the team? Are you getting burned out?' Good luck and keep us posted.

Pam
Avatar for brwnid_grl
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Registered: 04-03-2003
Fri, 11-18-2011 - 11:16am

She still seems interested in playing or at least being part of the team.

Avatar for sabrtooth
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Registered: 12-03-1999
Fri, 11-18-2011 - 11:46am

I, also, believe she does not want to play, but does not think she can simply TELL you that.

Avatar for brwnid_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Fri, 11-18-2011 - 12:18pm

Yes, my dd is very interested in other activities such as art music an writing.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Fri, 11-18-2011 - 12:41pm

I only know what you have said, and here it is.

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Avatar for brwnid_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Fri, 11-18-2011 - 12:58pm
Again, please do not respond your advice is unwanted.

Thank you
Avatar for turtletime
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Registered: 05-13-1998
Fri, 11-18-2011 - 1:40pm

I think your 3 options are just fine. If she's not truely injured, she needs to be practicing. If she's got an injury that pulls her out of practice for 2 weeks, she should absolutely be seen by a doctor. If she's not going to practice and won't be seen by a doctor, then really, she shouldn't be on the team. You are giving her very fair options in my opinion.

At this age, kids are starting to look more realistically at where they are abilty wise and it's normal for some refocusing to happen. It may be that she does enjoy the sport but perhaps she's not really fitting on this competitive team. She may go back to it more recreationally later.

If this were a serial problem, I might think differently but it's OK to switch gears once in awhile. I'd still want her to do "something" but it doesn't have to be basketball.

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