Not sure what to do?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Not sure what to do?????
17
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 5:38pm

I am very close with my 14 yo DD.

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Avatar for sharo63
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2006
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 6:36pm
Well I also have 14 yr old DD who is in "love." We have battled the BF thing for her a long time (feeling she was too young). Unfortunately, somehwere in 11 months she has liked this boy, we have come to a point where he is at our house quite a bit. I really have few words of wisdom because frankly I feel like I am struggling with these issues myself. We do have a few basics though...We never leave them alone and fortunately know that his family never does either.
How old is your DD's BF? We grapple with providing information being misconstrued as granting consent. My DD is the youngest of 4 and has an older sister (19) and 2 older brothers (16 & 21). We have been blessed to not have to deal with this with them but 14 yr old seems to have the confidence of the other 3 combined!
Maybe someone will share advice for the 2 of us!!
Sorry to not be more of a help, but know you are not alone!
Sharon
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 11:02pm

Sharon~


Her BF is 6 days younger than her.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 11:18pm

I have a 14 yo but she's not doing the boyfriend thing just yet, thankfully. I don't think I'd be able to handle all the stress and drama!!!

But I do remember being a 14-15 yo myself. And I do remember experimentation of the "touching" sort. I remember one particular boy I met who was just the handsomest kid, I thought. And I do remember we spent a fair bit of time in after school "make-out" sessions doing alot of "touching" and grabbing. I also remember that it was all sort of a game really. Neither of us expected to go any further than what we were doing. We thought that was far enough actually.

In fact this was a common thing in my teen years and I can tell you that I didn't lose my virginity or get seriously sexually active until I was in my early 20s. And by that time I had been dating a guy seriously for 2 years.

All I'm saying is that we think its a hop skip and jump from getting felt up to having sexual intercourse but its not. Talk to your daughter. Find out where SHE thinks her boundaries are and just remind her that sex is a serious matter and that each step she takes needs to be carefully considered...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 02-11-2006 - 9:11am

i don't think the problem is that you are too open and honest, i think it may be that you are feeling sorry for her (for her other issues).

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Sat, 02-11-2006 - 9:29am

I think that her making the "shaving" comment is an indication that she wanted you to know what happened. Clearly, she is not ready to be left alone with bf - even for a short time and this may have been her way of telling you that. My guess is that, if she wanted to continue this type of touching with bf, she would have kept her secret under lock and key and done everything possible to see their alone time maximized.

If I were you, I'd drop the subject entirely and be absolutely sure that she and bf are always within eithere yours or your dh's sight. If she complains, simply state: "I'm sorry, but you are not ready to be alone with him." You probably will not need to explain further.

I remember your othe post and, while she has a lot to deal with, I think she simply gave in to teenage hormonal temptation.

Listen to her cues and watch her like a hawk!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sat, 02-11-2006 - 10:25am
I do agree that teens, especially young teens, are no where ready emotionally to have sex.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Sat, 02-11-2006 - 12:34pm
Thank You.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Sat, 02-11-2006 - 12:47pm

Thanks for your input.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Sat, 02-11-2006 - 12:54pm

Thanks for your reply.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Sat, 02-11-2006 - 1:08pm

Thank you for your reply.

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