Nothing is working w/ teen

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Nothing is working w/ teen
8
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 2:34pm
Hello, I just found this site and need some advice. My 15 year old step son does not want to do anything in life but play video games. Over the past 3 years that he has lived with us (his dad and I) it has been the same thing over and over. He is a freshman in HS and his grades have dropped to F's and we have tried everything. We have talked to him (many times) and encouraged him. We have taken away his video game system and games, taken away TV, grounded him to his room, etc... We have had meetings with his all of his teachers on a regular basis, his school counselor and a school psychologist. We have had him tested for any learning disabilities (he has none and his IQ is slightly above average). We enrolled him in an after-school tutoring program to help with his studies, but I just found out he has not attended this in over a month. I just don't know what to do and at this point he is headed towards not finishing HS. My question is, what should I do next? He dad and I are at our wit ends......
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2005
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 3:08pm

Hi, mzgray!

My first question may be obvious, but how is your relationship with SS? How does he feel about you marrying his dad? Is there resentment there that is being expressed by his secluding himself? How does his Mom figure into all of this? Does SS spend time with her? What's her attitude about you marrying her ex? It may not be related to school at all...

My DH and I just celebrated our 8th anniversary. We were married when my DD was 5 1/2. DD and DH have always struggled with their relationship. They are just *now* taking significant steps toward each other without immediately backpedaling. Add that to the challenges of the teenage years and I totally know where you're coming from.

Other than his grades taking a dive have there been other changes--distance from friends, change in sleep or eating habits, etc? Has he had a good old fashioned physical lately? Rule out any physical cause, and give him a chance to talk to the Dr. for a minute. Maybe it will come out by accident.

Just my mind wandering around your question...
Dani

Avatar for momtb4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 3:37pm
have him evaluated for depression. Seems like all classic teen depression symptoms to me. You can give him "herbal" stuff, like St Johns wart. That's what I put my son on and that made a HUGE difference in his attitude about life in general.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 6:52pm

Not the same level, but when my DD's attention to school decreased last year, I increased my monitoring and feedback to her. I had her show me assignments, review for tests with me, etc. It was a little bit of a pain in the neck for me, but it was worth it to see grades inch back up.

I would also set some limits - like "no video games until school work is done" and then stick by it. How is he able to skip his tutoring sessions? Can you take him there, or call to verify?

Finally, make it worth his while.....I am all for rewards for improvement. What does he want both immediately and in the future? Show him how improving in school will pay off for him.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2005
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 5:43pm

I'm having lots of similar problems with my daughter. What I wanted to suggest to you though, is that you may want to talk to him about a career in video games. It probably sounds crazy, but I know lots of guys (including my ex) who make video games for a living. There are many different levels of involvement and they make good money. Competition is getting harder though, and a college degree might really help him in that field. If he loves video games that much, knowing he could do it for a living might be a good motivator. Some of the guys I know started out just being video game testers, a dream job when they were in their early 20's. At my daughter's school, there are computer graphics classes as well as other computer related courses that may help him.

Anyway, it's just a thought. Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 6:22pm
I agree that it sounds like he's suffering from depression. Have him evaluated as soon as you can because it can get very serious very quickly but is so treatable...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 10:03pm

Interesting but I was going to suggest that they sign him up for a programming course.
Why? It would give him a focus that he might enjoy and would be a productive use of his time. Could help him make friends as well.

If he gets "hooked" on programming, he will realise that he needs English and math and all the other basic courses in high school to get a job involving programming.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2006
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 10:11pm
I really do not believe your son is depressed or any other craziness. What it do believe is that in his own way he is asking for your attention. Take an interest in him other that "why are you not doing...." or " how come...." Take him to school get tough. not no video game before HW, make it no video game until there are at least C's on the report card, then when he achieves that change it to B's. Once he see that you believe in him he will build confidence. I am really young and am still really close to his age so I remember going through the same things not 6 years ago. I wanted my mom to help me study not because I'm doing bad but because she wants to take an interest. Have you ever noticed teens never get as much attention as when they are doing badly. Change that, highlight the positive things. start with small baby like things. like "WOW you really are really doing good in that...(insert activity here)...I'm proud of you" and leave it at that. don't say "why can't you dedicate that time to school" or something. It made a change with me. Also, How on earth is he not going to the extra help for a month and you not know?! Supervision is key at any age no matter what. Try not to be too busy for your kids; It is hard these days but they are your responsibilty.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 10:05am

Just a thought here.