Nothing is working w/ teen
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Nothing is working w/ teen
| Thu, 04-27-2006 - 2:34pm |
Hello, I just found this site and need some advice. My 15 year old step son does not want to do anything in life but play video games. Over the past 3 years that he has lived with us (his dad and I) it has been the same thing over and over. He is a freshman in HS and his grades have dropped to F's and we have tried everything. We have talked to him (many times) and encouraged him. We have taken away his video game system and games, taken away TV, grounded him to his room, etc... We have had meetings with his all of his teachers on a regular basis, his school counselor and a school psychologist. We have had him tested for any learning disabilities (he has none and his IQ is slightly above average). We enrolled him in an after-school tutoring program to help with his studies, but I just found out he has not attended this in over a month. I just don't know what to do and at this point he is headed towards not finishing HS. My question is, what should I do next? He dad and I are at our wit ends......

Hi, mzgray!
My first question may be obvious, but how is your relationship with SS? How does he feel about you marrying his dad? Is there resentment there that is being expressed by his secluding himself? How does his Mom figure into all of this? Does SS spend time with her? What's her attitude about you marrying her ex? It may not be related to school at all...
My DH and I just celebrated our 8th anniversary. We were married when my DD was 5 1/2. DD and DH have always struggled with their relationship. They are just *now* taking significant steps toward each other without immediately backpedaling. Add that to the challenges of the teenage years and I totally know where you're coming from.
Other than his grades taking a dive have there been other changes--distance from friends, change in sleep or eating habits, etc? Has he had a good old fashioned physical lately? Rule out any physical cause, and give him a chance to talk to the Dr. for a minute. Maybe it will come out by accident.
Just my mind wandering around your question...
Dani
Not the same level, but when my DD's attention to school decreased last year, I increased my monitoring and feedback to her. I had her show me assignments, review for tests with me, etc. It was a little bit of a pain in the neck for me, but it was worth it to see grades inch back up.
I would also set some limits - like "no video games until school work is done" and then stick by it. How is he able to skip his tutoring sessions? Can you take him there, or call to verify?
Finally, make it worth his while.....I am all for rewards for improvement. What does he want both immediately and in the future? Show him how improving in school will pay off for him.
Sue
I'm having lots of similar problems with my daughter. What I wanted to suggest to you though, is that you may want to talk to him about a career in video games. It probably sounds crazy, but I know lots of guys (including my ex) who make video games for a living. There are many different levels of involvement and they make good money. Competition is getting harder though, and a college degree might really help him in that field. If he loves video games that much, knowing he could do it for a living might be a good motivator. Some of the guys I know started out just being video game testers, a dream job when they were in their early 20's. At my daughter's school, there are computer graphics classes as well as other computer related courses that may help him.
Anyway, it's just a thought. Good luck!
Interesting but I was going to suggest that they sign him up for a programming course.
Why? It would give him a focus that he might enjoy and would be a productive use of his time. Could help him make friends as well.
If he gets "hooked" on programming, he will realise that he needs English and math and all the other basic courses in high school to get a job involving programming.
Just a thought here.