Nude Photos of Daughter Found
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| Sat, 07-08-2006 - 12:46am |
I have to first say, I love this board because I can talk about things I am too embarrassed to tell my friends/co-workers (none of whom have a teenage daughter).
I snoop. My 15 yr old daughter is on medication for depression and was a cutter for a year without anyone knowing. So, I keep a secret eye on her. We have a close relationship, but no matter how close, there is always stuff parents don't know. I was snooping and found a couple pictures she had taken with her camera phone of her breasts. Her face is not in the photos, she is not naked, just pulling up her shirt. But still!! I can't say anything since I was snooping but am quite freaked out. I have tried to think of why in the world.....but to no avail. If it was a joke, she would send a picture of her butt, no doubt. But if she was taking the picture to send to a boy/girl (she has recently told me she is bisexual) why would she cut of her own head? I checked her online accounts, myspace and livejournal and the pics are nowhere public (thankfully). I'm just not sure what to do/say/feel! From what she has told me, she is not very sexual (possibly a side effect of the meds, not that I'm complaining), but she feels she may be bisexual because she falls in love with girls. I've told her she doesn't need to label herself, and that it is natural to have really close bonds with other girls, closer than with boys. Anyway, has anyone dealt with something like this? Every time I think I have a grip on what's going on, she surprises me with something else!
I sure hope I'm not the only one with this problem....it's a little embarrassing and troubling.
Thanks for letting me tell someone if nothing else!

I'm sure this is very disturbing to you and it would be to me as well. However, I can remember being 15 and simply being curious about my body. It may be that she is curious as to how others would see her breasts so she took the picture so she could see. For now I would just keep an eye on things and wait and see what happens. Or I might would wait for an opportunity and talk about a celebrity that has had nude photos or sex videos made public and how difficult that must be for them to have their private lives exposed.
Shortly before DD realized that sex at 16 was not the best course for her, a friend of hers from softball had sex with her b/f and they recorded it. Now the entire baseball team has seen this girl in a very private and intimate moment. DD already knew about it and had mentioned it to me and then when I realized who she was talking about (the girl goes to the college I teach at), I talked a little more with DD about it and how the boy got kicked of the ball team. The girl has decided to change colleges and she will loose her scholarship. We had already talked about the emotional consequences but then we talked a little more about the changes that each one of them had to make. I think I might look for that kind of opportunity to talk about someone else and drive home a point.
Good Luck!!
nikki
Thanks to all who responded. She is in counseling, but I don't know how I could tell her counselor without letting on that I was snooping. I don't want my daughter to know I look at her stuff, it helps me know what's going on with her. And a couple of you suggested I bring it up in a generalized way, a celebrity or someone else, which is of course a great idea and one I use with other stuff all the time. So, thanks! To the teenage girl who responded, thank you for your input too. You may be right, she may have just been checking out the girls. I am just glad that her face wasn't on the pics, which had to be intentional, and that as far as I can tell, she didn't send them to anyone. I deleted them, which I find kind of funny, she must think her phone is acting up, she certainly won't be asking me about them and whether I deleted them...Boy that would be a funny conversation!
Anyway, thank you, again. Sometimes stuff happens and you just need to say it outloud but you don't want anyone you know to hear it!
I just wanted to quickly respond to the counseling issue. My dd14 has also been in counseling for cutting and depression. Of course I also felt that I had to snoop to keep her safe. Whenever I found something that concerned me I would bring it up to the therapist and tell her how I know and that for obvious reasons I don't want dd to find out how I know. She understood this, and any therapist that works with teens probably has experience with this. The therapist should be able to find a way to bring this up without knowing it came from you. Perhaps not specifically, but generally and targeting the area she thinks relates to this - whether it be insecurity or curiosity, etc. In my case, I felt that I needed to give the therapist all the tools and information that she needed to help dd.
I also want to let you know that you're not alone in this - and it's definitely something that as parents we have such a difficult time talking about. I happen to have a best friend whose dd16, a cheerleader and generally *good* girl, had taken pictures of herself, also in naked provocative poses. Fortunately, she foolishly left them where my friend could find them. She immediately confronted her with them - we felt she might have been getting ready to post them on the %$#! my space website or send them to a b/f. Because she confronted her, this *probably* will not happen. Another reason why it's so important to computer monitor.