Okay...I need advice regarding my 18 year old son

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Okay...I need advice regarding my 18 year old son
16
Sun, 03-04-2012 - 11:03pm

Hi!

Okay...I have one of the difficult parenting situations. My son is 18 yrs old and he will be graduating in June. He has a girlfriend that he has dated for about 8 or 9 months. Her family really likes my son (and he likes them). They have been extremely nice to him. He goes to family dinners and parties when they invite him. Anyway, tonight he told me that her family invited him to go on their family trip in June. It is 2 days after his graduation. He said they have a timeshare at a beach house. Family members from all over meet up there and they have a fun filled two weeks (water skiing,etc..etc). He said her extended family wants to meet him. Of course he would like to go. My son truly is a great kid so no worries there. Our first reaction was to say YES. We were thinking that it would be great for him to go have fun after graduation. He will be working all summer and then leaving for college in the fall. So I thought it would be a great experience for him. Then I started to think that perhaps others (especially family members) would think we were crazy. LOL What do you all think? Would you allow something like this? My husband is saying that he is 18 years old and he will be out of school. He said it is his decision to make (basically that we need to allow him to grow up and make his own decisions). HELP...lol

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999

Just had a thought - it might be a good idea to have a "bail out plan" just in case DS decides that he's had more than enough togetherness after a week with the girl's family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009

BTDT with this one.

Our DDs started hanging with their guys when they were in seventh and eighth grade.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

Thank you very much for the reply. I do plan to call her parents to discuss the details.

I had an opportunity to speak to my friend that is also very conservative. I was concerned about her reaction. However, she knows my son and said that she thought it would be fine. She said to tell him to have a fabulous time. Hearing that from her made all the difference in the world.

Thanks again for taking the time to reply....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

I just wanted to thank all of you for the replies! My son absolutely does make good decisions. He has never given me any reason to doubt him. He has always been respectful towards us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998

My very conservative parents invited my HS boyfriend to come with us when we rented a house at Tahoe on a couple of occasions, but I will say that my mom personally called his mom to extend the invitation. As the hostess, that was her job. If the GF's parents haven't done this, maybe you can call to ask what you can send with your son--snacks, cookies, soda, etc.

My parents also dealt with the sleeping arrangements brilliantly. They gave my 3 brothers and their friends (same gender, all straight) their own rooms, but put me and my BF on the landing outside the bedrooms, so that anyone walking out to the bathrooms had to step over us. Trust me, nothing went on! All we did was eat and ski.

I think once you make sure there's supervision by a sober adult, and the sleeping arrangements are to your liking, it's fine to send him. You know your son. By this point, he should own the values he has been taught because if he doesn't it will be too late when he goes off to college.

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
happy2beamom2001 wrote:
My husband is saying that he is 18 years old and he will be out of school. He said it is his decision to make (basically that we need to allow him to grow up and make his own decisions). HELP...lol

I agree that your son will be out of school and off to college soon, and you have to trust that he'll make good decisions then (or you wouldn't be sending him away).

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-1998

I have an 18 year old son getting ready to graduate, also.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2009
I agree.. good advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2009

Why are you concerned? Who cares what your family members think?

You son is a good kid. He is 18 and it sounds all on the "up and up". Listen to your DH.

By the way, a little "too much" togetherness is a perfect recipe for young couples to break up. We have a saying here.. it is called the Turkey Drop. Our Thanksgiving is in October and by then, the "turkey/high school b/f or g/f" has been dropped. Lots can change in a few months at that age.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000

I think as long as you know the family and feel they have the same basic values/guidelines as you I'd let him go. He is 18 and will be out of high school by then; I probably wouldn't have the same advice if they were, say, 15 year old sophomores.

Pam

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