Older friends????
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Older friends????
| Fri, 05-25-2007 - 1:00pm |
Good afternoon to all; I am new to this board and I'm happy to have found it :) I need other mom's of teenagers opinions. My daughter is 15 and recently made friends with an 18 year old. The new friend seems to be a very nice girl. My dd frequently asks to spend the night with her and has on a couple of other occasions. Her new friend has a car and that has me worried a bit as they can go pretty much wherever, whenever. However, my daughter has been very good about keeping me informed as to where they are or are going to be and she has always been a good kid. What do you all think about her hanging out with/spending the night with this new friend, would you allow yours to?

I think it would depend on the girl, and what they do together. My DD15 has a friend who is almost 3 years older - they became friends at 9 and 12 by hanging out together in the neighborhood. They're not as close now - the older girl is finishing her first year in college, and they've drifted apart. But this older girl is not "sophisticated" or overly grown, she's been more sheltered and has a more conservative outlook on life, so I'm not afraid of her exposing my DD to stuff that's beyond her. Also, no one is driving, so that's not an issue.
If this were a new friendship, I'd want to set some boundaries, and see where it goes. It's hard for a three year age difference at this age - but sometimes the personalities are a good mix.
Sue
Hi, My DS almost 16 has had a best friend that is a senior. I was a bit leary of the age difference at first, but this boy is a really good kid. As a matter of fact, I think that it has helped my DS mature in some ways that he needed :) I think it depends on the girl. I know I wondered why this senior would want to hang out with a soph., but after a little while, I realized it is that he didn't have many choices of Great Senior boys..no drinking, drugs, partying etc. They hang with a small group of mostly jr.s and seniors who get together to have fun at houses where parents are presant, they go to movies and out to eat etc. :) The only really bad part is....DS is loosing some really good friends at the end of the summer, (all going off to college) I know he'll be alright, but he will be lonely next year.
Julie
Have you suggested that the girl spend the night at your house?
I would definately watch that relationship more. I am more protective and ask more questions when my kids hang out with people a lot older than them. Older kids have more influence on younger ones and alcohol and drugs are more accessible to them. Since Carlin, my youngest daughter, skipped 2 grades she is always the youngest out of her friends. I was wary of people in her grade, but she has a great group of friends even though they are older than her. I won't let her date someone in a higher grade than her though because that is just too old. Try to get to know the girl more and just make sure she isn't a negative influence on your daughter.
Stephanie
I don't really think age is an issue, but rather who the friend is and what their character is. My son who is not 19 ran with a group of great boys all through high school. They were top students, led praise and worship as well as a weekly service for teens, and were not involved in drinking or drugs. Their senior year there were two boys who were then sophomores who began hanging with them. The reason these two boys gravitated toward my son's group was because almost all the kids in their grade and the grade between them and my son's class do the drinking and drugs. It was honestly safer for them to be with the older boys then the ones their own age.
My daughter who is 16 has friends her own age, but also has two very close friends who are 3 yrs older (my son's age). These two girls attend the same church and there are no others their age so they tend to hang with the girls my daughter's age. I feel totally comfortable if either of these girls are present with my daughter, even more so than with the girls her own age.
So, for me, it depends so totally on the kids, not the age. If you don't know the girl or her parents, then do whatever you have to in order to become acquainted. If I don't know the parents where my daughter wants to sleep over, I will make contact with them before she does. All in all, I trust my kids for the most part, but I still check periodically and am mostly pleased to fine that my checking finds exactly what they have told me.