Older teen, younger teen

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Registered: 11-05-1998
Older teen, younger teen
6
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 11:07am

I have a question for those of you with more than one teen: do you/did you have a hard time accepting/treating your younger child as a teen when they hit the teen years?

I have three boys: 16, 14, and 11. My middle kid is my "swing kid." Sometimes I think of him as one of the "older boys" grouping him with his older brother. Other times, I consider him one of the "younger boys" grouping him with his little brother. Unfortunately, most of the time I consider him one of the younger boys.

Recently, he called me on this, pointing out that he's been a teen for a year and a half! Wow! I hadn't really thought about that, maybe because while he's only two years younger than my oldest son, he's three grades behind him (because of the way our school district cut-off date is set). Also, he has Asperger's Syndrome (high-functioning autism) and so he's socially a little awkward and not very "teen-like."

I keep trying to see Chris as a teen, but it's hard for me to re-categorize him that way. Maybe with him starting high school this fall, I'll begin to see him differently, but I'm wondering: have any of you felt this way and what did you do about it?

Elizabeth

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Registered: 02-14-2007
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 11:09am
I have 2 kids--a DD who is 15 and a DS who is 13. I have had the opposite experience. I've sort of considered my DS a teen even before he was one. That's because, physically, he has looked like a teen for a long time. He's going into 8th grade, and could easily pass for a high school sophomore. He's also very mature for his age. I don't think that's very helpful to you, but that's my experience.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 12:39pm

I would suspect Chris's specialness is what is causing the issue

My 15 yr has had several Dx's and yes, Asperger's was one of them. I dont agree and stick with severe verbal LDs(although, like most parents in this situation, I doubt my decision regularly)

I have posted about both my older boys on this board but poor Blake, its like he barely exists in comparison.

He has never disobeyed me or talked back. He certainly isnt dating. Has no interest in school activities or dances. He didn't 'pretend play' until age 7 so it was no surprise to me that he then continued to pretend play until late 12 or 13 but yep, it sure makes him seem younger

He doesnt 'seem' like a teen AND he's the baby to boot!

I also expect a prolonged adolescence with this one. I don't see him handling the world at 18 and imagine he will be with us longer

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-1998
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 1:07pm

Thakns for your reply! Yes, I'm sure the Asperger's is at least part of what makes Chris seem younger to me. He may start to blossom in HS, though. In late May, he decided to run for a position on Student Senate for the upcoming freshman class--entirely on his own; we didn't know he was even thinking about running until he told us that he had nearly all of the signatures he needed to run. His platform was that as a special ed student (although one who is mainstreamed and straight-A) he could be the voice of those who were different from others--the special ed kids, the kids without friends, the awkward kids. And he won! He's going to be one of eight freshman senators in the high school student government this fall.

He's also looking forward to joining an art club in high school. I don't see him interested in girls for a long time yet, and as for ball games and dances--they're way too overwhelming for him.

But I guess since he turns 15 in December, I better start taking his teenagerhood seriously!

Elizabeth

Avatar for sharo63
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2006
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 5:49pm
First off, congrats to your son Chris for his student senate position:)
Our situation is that our 2 older teens (19 & 17) are boys and DD is the baby @15. While I feel she gets away with a ton of freedom BECAUSE of older brothers, she feels we baby her. She states (often not so nicely) that we are sexist and awful and are being incredibly hypocritical because we let the boys do (fill in the blank with any number of activities).
And she will be quick to point out to DH his double standard about bf behavior. Who does he think he sweet sons were "making out" with in their cars? Someone else's daughter!! (I secretly give her props on that one:)
So that doesn't really give any insight other than I thnk each family has their own circumstances and rights of passage.
Sharon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 6:13pm

I have the opposite problem. I often forget that my son is only 13. He's an only child, so I just have other kids in the neighborhood to gauge him by. He comes off as being so much more mature than the other kids and because of a condition called precosious puberty, he looks like he's 15.

Connor has always been the youngest in his class. A high School freshman at 13 years old, he won't be turning 14 until Mid October. But comes off as older due to maturity and his physical appearance.

That said, I take care of an 10 year old boy with Aspergers and I have a hard time remembering that he's as old as he is. He often has to remind me that he's 10.

stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 9:45pm

I can understand the issues with kids with Aspberger's.