One-on-One

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2003
One-on-One
11
Fri, 05-16-2003 - 12:51pm
It is so important during these years to have some one-on-one time with our kids.

This weekend for example, my hubby and son left this morning for a camping/fishing trip and they won't return until late Sunday. They really need the one-on-one time to reconnect as things have been a bit strained between the two of them. I know they'll have a great time, they always do, year after year.

So while they are gone, my daughter and I will have our one-on-one time. We have agreed not to allow outside distractions interfere with our time together. She was invited by friends to go bowling this Saturday, but she declined. Told her pals, that this was the special weekend that she spends with mom only and was looking forward to it. Her friends tried to coerce her into coming and bringing me along. I enjoy her friends, but quite honestly. . .no thanks, LOL! She stood steadfast in her decision to just hang with mom. What a kid!

Question:

How often do you carve out one-on-one time with your teen(s)?

Do you both enjoy it or do you feel that your teen does it because they are afraid of hurting your feelings if told no?

What do you normally do during these times?



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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
In reply to: cm_twoki
Sun, 05-18-2003 - 6:08pm
I have tons of one on one time with my son because he plays competitive ice hockey and I'm the one that takes him to his games and practices 60% - 70% of the time. With practice 2x - 3x a week and 3 or 4 games every weekend from September through March we spend a lot of time talking. I also will take him to the skate park where he does in-line trick skating - even though I don't skate I'll hang on the bars and talk to him about the tricks he is doing rather than go in the 'parent room' where the other parents read magazines and talk on cell phones. I'll shoot hoops with him in the driveway too. My daughter and I have alone time every morning on the way to school and in the afternoon on the way back - it's a 20 - 30 minute ride each way, plus we LOVE Barnes & Nobel and will spend 3 - 6 hours there browzing and talking about different books. I would say that my husband really does not get one-on-one time with our daughter, he does with his son, he ice skates etc., with him, takes him to games and stuff.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cm_twoki
Sun, 05-18-2003 - 2:47pm
Hi Drei! Well ...

I think I'm better than you are right now, having just read (& responded) to your SHS post. PLEASE let us know how everything goes, okay?

Life has really been chaotic here lately, but it's my ex and a situation he's gotten me into that's causing it.

My girls are doing great. I just LOOOOOOVE having a nearly 19 yo. This has been *THE* best year with her. And my 11.7 yo is doing well, altho handling a situation right now with a gr 7 kid 'threatening' her which she's worried about in terms of the school she likely has to go to next year. You know, life.

I trust your daughters and son are doing great. Is your college dd back home now for the summer? I know that they will all be there for you, helping in any way needed - I'm so glad they are such great kids Drei. Take care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cm_twoki
Sun, 05-18-2003 - 9:42am
Hey stranger, good to see you here! How've you been?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cm_twoki
Sun, 05-18-2003 - 12:17am
I agree. I have spent a ton of time with my two dds over the years. Even when my oldest and I were majorly butting heads at different times, we often went to our favorite restaurant for our favorite soup after she got off work or on Sundays together. Funny ... someone once asked me if it was something I did with gritted teeth when she was driving me nuts and the question had surprised me because no, I *wanted* to spend that time with her because it was nearly guaranteed to go well so it was even more important then. We have watched movies, gone to movies; gone bowling, gone for walks, drives, out for a bite to eat, even just to the Dairy Queen. We will surf the net together, do EMODE tests together (last nite we did the inkblot test; it was hilarious how different we saw them, lol). Sometimes it's a half hour; sometimes a whole day. There were a few times I pulled her out of school to take off to the mountains for the day. Sometimes it's just her and I; sometimes just her sis and I; sometimes the 3 of us together. Today I spent the afternoon with the younger one shopping around the mall for ideas for the older one's 19th b-day next month, then the older joined us when she got off at 5:15 and we stayed with her till 9 when her bf got off work and they headed off to a movie. We've gone looking at cars, pored over travel magazines. Looked thru & organized pictures that need to go into albums. Gone to flea markets. Just whatever isn't going to cost a lot of money, lol. And I've never once felt that she did stuff with me because she didn't want to hurt her feelings. There've been many times we've had plans and she's gotten in and I've heard she was invited somewhere and offered to do our plans w/her another day and she nearly always says no, she can join them later or prefers to do what we have planned. I just hope I'm this lucky the 2nd time around ;-) - so far, so good. So far, the younger one is definitely *my girl* and she LOVES to be at home and she LOOOOOOOOVES 'special times with just mom'. It's a BIG deal to her to have that time and it's something that is announced with great relish to friends, lol. Let's hope it continues.

I sure hope that your son and his dad have a wonderful & rejuvenating weekend together, twoki. And it's wonderful that your dd was just soo content and glad to have her weekend with *just mom*. We are soo blessed :-))) Have a GREAT weekend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cm_twoki
Fri, 05-16-2003 - 6:16pm
My teens are 14.9 (ds), 17.9 (dd), and 19.5 (dd). We may go out to lunch one-on-one, at Panera or Ruby Tuesday or someplace....or we may go shopping at the mall. Or I may take ds to the batting cages, Sometimes just taking one of them with me on an errand (grocery shopping, laundry, doctor visit, et al) works; that time alone in the car is "our" time.

And of course, all three think nothing of just yanking Mom into the bathroom for a quiet and private conference now and then, LOL.

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cm_twoki
Fri, 05-16-2003 - 3:21pm
Yes, I love those times!! I just wished it were much more often. I once had friends over and my 16ds came in, sat down, and just visited with us. It was great. I waited until he had wandered off and then told my friends, "Guys, I'm sorry, but anytime my ds wants to visit with me, everything else has to wait." One of them has grown sons of her own, and completely understood what I meant. After they get older, it's just so hard to find the time to connect anymore. At least on their terms. I know my 16ds has memories of things he and I did together when he was younger. We still laugh about the day I quit catching for him while he practiced pitching in the front yard. He beaned me with a hard ball right between the eyes!!! (I am a very POOR catcher-LOL) I guess I never thought about those snippets in time as our time to connect. I want DAYS with my kids, or at least hours, like their dad gets when they go hunting, but I don't do anything FUN like that! LOL I get my time at odd moments, and they can happen anywhere, anytime, whereas their dad gets it in chunks, I guess. Either way, it's good, huh!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2003
In reply to: cm_twoki
Fri, 05-16-2003 - 2:49pm
It sounds like it Pam ;-) I don't think you're going to be tossed out on your head anytime soon by Justin.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2003
In reply to: cm_twoki
Fri, 05-16-2003 - 2:46pm
You know I don't think so. My son and I connect one-on-one quite often. I love to fish too, but usually the two of us will connect while fishing (I love to fish), cooking, yard work, tossing a football (yes, I will throw a football, LOL!) or even when he comes with me on a walk ;-)

Aren't those times where you just have them in the same room nice? ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cm_twoki
Fri, 05-16-2003 - 2:40pm
You are right - it's important to spend one-on-one time with your teens. And I probably don't do it as often as I should. Over spring break I took Jason to lunch one day - I let him drive and pick the restaurant (Panera Bread). It was very nice. He also has a morning paper route that I've been driving him on. I started doing it in the late fall when it was so cold and dark out and I've enjoyed our time together so much that I'm still doing it. I will be sad in a way when he gets his liscence next month and does it himeself. He and dh work out and run together a couple times a week. Tomorrow they are running in a local run for dh's work.

Later in the week over spring break I took Justin to lunch. Even though his taste still runs to McDonald's (yuck) we had a good time. Every night before bed after we all say prayers and our good-nights I still lay on Justin's bed for a couple minutes to chat. I'm sure soon he will tell me I don't have to do it anymore but I'll do it as long as he lets me!

I think (hope!) that the boys enjoy the one-on-one times with both dh and me as much as we do and that they will have fond memories of them.

Pam



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Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cm_twoki
Fri, 05-16-2003 - 2:11pm
I have a vague rememberence of getting to "hang" with my older ds... Now, at 16, I'm lucky I see him! He has tons of one-on-one with his dad (my xdh) but it seems to be much harder for me to ever get to spend that kind of time with him. Sometimes, he will come in my room, or come sit with me in the living room and we'll just chat, about anything that comes to his mind. How I love those visits! My younger ds still hangs with me some, but we don't do anything "special" other than just visit.

Your question twoki made me think about that, and wonder, is it harder for moms to have that one-on-one with their sons, since moms (as a stereotype) don't do the "guy" things (hunting, fishing, etc)? I say stereotype because a friend of mine LOVES the hunting and fishing stuff and does it regularly with her 11ds.

Mitzi

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