One word...INFURIATED (VENT)
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One word...INFURIATED (VENT)
| Mon, 02-06-2006 - 12:33pm |
I am so completely fed up with 13/DD's "poor me" nonsense.
Got up this morning with the same crap...didn't want to go to school.
I blew up...completely!
I told her that she was going and that was that...I didn't care how she felt, what problems she was having at school, etc.
I love my daughter, and I tell her every day, but this crap just has to stop.
She's suppose to see a psychiatrist in about 3 weeks to deal with the anxiety/depression issues, and her counselor this week. Boy will we have a talk then. She said she didn't want to see the psychiatrist, I said too bad, you don't get to make that decision.
I'm about ready to hand her over to her whacko mother (my Ex) or put her in military boarding school.
Edited 2/6/2006 9:24 pm ET by az_tbone

First of all, your post is in the form of a vent, and I appreciate that. We've all been there! However, I think you really need to try to put yourself in your dd's shoes. I would like to recommend "Queen Bees and Wannabes": http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1400047927/sr=1-2/qid=1139249550/ref=pd_bbs_2/103-5107749-0695829?%5Fencoding=UTF8
The author has worked with teenage girls for over 10 years. I mention this book because in a last post you mentioned mean girl trouble, and dd being an outcast. In one part of the book, the author states that if you knew what your dd had to go through every day at school, you should give her credit for just getting up in the morning. That combined with the cutting, and the tumultuous relationship with her mother, and your dd sounds like one very troubled teen. You're doing the right thing, making her go to school whether she feels she can face it or not, and getting outside help. Meanwhile, cut her some slack.
I know you're venting here, and are probably as frustrated and at the end of your rope.
I've read replies 2 and 3 to this and I have to say, that boarding school idea is looking good. Coddling her through this period only lends legitimacy to this moronic idea that what happens in HS is important.
Lock her down if you have to, but instill some civility and stop the whining, immediately. There is absolutely no excuse for either of them.
ILR
I'm going to have to go with the majority here and suggest re-thinking your philosophy.
You didn't mention what grade your DD is in, but from her age, I'm going to guess she's in middle school. Someone on this board (I think it was daddio) referred to middle school as the "armpit of the American education system". I couldn't agree more.
My now 14yo DD is in high school, but her last year of middle school was spent in 8th grade hell. Her sin was defending the new girl in town, whom her "friends" had decided they didn't like. DD paid for that crime for the rest of the year. I don't know how she got through it like she did, because I doubt if I would have handled it as maturely -- even at my advanced age!
Anyway, as adults, it can be easy to say "oh, it's not the end of the world". Well, for a 13yo girl, school, and all the bs that goes with it, is her world. She's there 6-7 hour a day, dealing with a bunch of crap from a bunch of nasty kids. I'm pretty sure, that sort of treatment day in and day out would take it's toll on just about anybody.
In addition to reading the Queen Bees book, you may want to contact the school counselor. I did when DD's 'friends' wouldn't let up on their harrassment of her. School counselors have amazing ways of dealing with this stuff without pointing fingers or naming names. The one I spoke to said she would approach it like "the cafeteria aides/teachers/janitor, etc., has observed and overheard some nasty behavior between you girls. You don't have to like each other, but you do have to be polite ... etc." Thankfully, we didn't have to go that route at DD's school, but you may want to consider it if your DD really is being singled out and harrassed.
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My almost 12yo DS is now in his first year the middle school. He hates it, but for reason that are different than your DD's. Like you, I hear every morning how much he hates going to school. I've tried to pinpoint exactly why he dislikes it so much (primarily to try and learn if he is getting treatment similar to that of my DD) and either he is unable to verbalize exactly what it is, he doesn't wan't to tell me, or he's just lazy and he would much rather be somewhere else. I tend to think the latter, at this point. Anyway, I try to come up with new and different responses to his daily remarks.
My new one is "well, I imagine it's a whole lot better than spending the day working in a factory or in the fields". He tends to agree.
But like most of the other posts said, cut your DD some slack. This is the time she needs to know that you are really on her side.
best of luck,
Julie