OPENED NOTE BETWEEN MY 14 YR DAUGHTER AND HER FRIEND. HER FRIEND WAS CONVINCING HER TO LYE TO ME!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2011
OPENED NOTE BETWEEN MY 14 YR DAUGHTER AND HER FRIEND. HER FRIEND WAS CONVINCING HER TO LYE TO ME!
5
Tue, 01-25-2011 - 3:14pm

I FOUND A NOTE BETWEEN MY 14 YR DAUGHTER AND HER FRIEND. HER FRIEND WAS CONVINCING HER TO LYE TO HER PARENTS ABOUT DATING A OLDER SOMEONE AND STATES SHE WILL HELP HER HIDE IT.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2001

When my dds were little and they would come to tattle on each other or a playmate I would ask, "are your trying to get her in trouble or out of trouble".

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

So your DD wants to date the "older someone"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998

My thinking on this is that you do whatever you have to do to protect your child from stupidity. So yeah, I'd talk to the other mom, but don't think for one minute that your DD is innocent, so be gentle when you talk to your friend. No one likes to hear their kid accused of anything, even when it's true.

And you should definitely talk to your DD. I don't believe in playing head games and trying to second guess our kids. Just tell her what you know and tell her what behavior you expect. Let her know that she has forfeited her right to privacy for a while, because she has to earn back your trust.

IMO, 14 is young to be dating anyone, even a boy her own age. She's just not mature enough, and her attempt at deception proves it. So tell her what she has to do to prove she is trustworthy. If you are worried about her being upset, then you aren't willing to do your job as a parent. Parenting does involve ticking our kids off sometimes. We just have to deal with it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008

Hey there! I got back and sorta caught up in reading other stuff- I hope you're still here. I have alot of questions because you haven't explained much to base an answer on. Do you KNOW this friend? You say you talk to the mom alot, but are you and mom friends or is she just "another school mom" that you talk to? How do you know this friend lies alot? Says who? I also wonder what made you read a note to your DD, was it laying around, was it hidden, were you going through her things for some reason?

I'm making a HUGE generalization here, but MY EXPERIENCE has been that when something like this comes up BOTH kids are involved in the deception. And this girl "feels like a prisoner"- what does that mean? Most (generalization again) teens that have real RULES about dates, who they can spend time with, where they go, what time to be home...feel like prisoners. Awww, so sad, TOO BAD! Why do you care if your DD will be upset with you? I'm sure she will, that's PARENTING. That"s also why I question how much you know about the other mom and their household. I honestly don't know if I would contact the other parent or not with the information here. It sounds dramatic I'm sure, but it isn't always SAFE for either you or the kid, to contact the parent about something like this.

And the older someone? It's a big difference between a 16yo boy/girl or 30yo man/woman, possible "someone" through sports, school, INTERNET! Please, more info?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008

I'm sorry. I just want you to know I hear you and yep- been there. Just now I have to dash out but I will be back to say more!